••
♥
I ONLY DRINK WATER That's been through a
brewery first....
••
A very thirsty man goes into a bar.
As he waits to get the bartender's attention, a regular sitting
next to him calls out, "I'll have another waterloo."
The bartender gives the regular a tall ice cold drink and asks
the newcomer what he would like.
The thirsty man points to the man next to him and says,
"I guess I'll have what he's having, a waterloo."
So the bartender brings the newcomer a tall ice cold drink.
The man takes a long deep drink and calls out,
"HEY! This isn't any good..... It tastes just like water!"
The regular bar patron sitting next to him says, "It is water.
That's all I drink," He turns to the bartender and says,
"Right Lou?"
••
Hate it when I'm at a hotel & the maid leaves her
cart unattended & the only thing I can grab
before getting caught is 3 dozen shower caps.
••
First time flying huh?
Yeah how could you tell?
Just a hunch.
You wanna come down to your seat?
The overhead bin is typically for luggage.
••
I live in fear that one day the real
"World's Greatest Dad" is going to show up to
reclaim his rightful mug..
••
Fake friends are no different than
shadows, they stick around during
your brightest moments, but
disappear during your darkest hours.
••
My friend and I tried to start an erectile
dysfunction club...
but it flopped and nobody came.
••
A guy's on the electric chair.
The warden's just about to pull the switch when
the guy gets the hiccups.
The warden says, "Do you have any last requests?"
The guy says, "(hic) Yeah... (hic) could you
please do (hic)... could you please do something
to scare me?"
••
Two women were bemoaning the state of the
Health Service.
One said, "Do you know, my ninety-three-year-old
mother has been waiting over a year for her
operation?"
"That's appalling," said the other woman.
"What a terrible way to treat someone of that age."
"I know," said the first woman.
"It got so bad that at one point I even said to her,
'Mum, do you really need bigger b**bs?'
••
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda
Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked
one of the corners off.
••••
