••
♥
Q: What's a cat's favorite breakfast?
A: Mice Krispies.
••
The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said,
"Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult
you by offering payment.
But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in
my will."
"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and
then added, "May I see that prescription I just gave you?
I'd like to make a little change..."
••
To avoid identity theft, when I die I want to be shredded.
••
I hate when my wife asks me to hold her purse and it doesn't
match what I'm wearing.
••
Flex knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned."
"What is it, child?"
"Father, I have committed the sin of vanity.
Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how
handsome I am."
The priest turned, took a good look at Flex and said,
"Flex, I have good news.
That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
••
I don’t know why I bother going to the gym when I am so good
at Photoshop.
••
I don't have a summer home, but I do have several different
email addresses.
••
Imagine how much self-control the people who make bubble
wrap must have.
••
"Let's get ready to bumble!!!" - Bees
I bet The Flintstones make those guys at PETA furious.
••
THE JOB - a one act play.....
As the curtain rises, Gus is seated at a small table in a warmly
lit coffee shop sipping coffee.
Gus’s friend Felix enters looking somewhat dubious.
Felix bares a remarkable resemblance to Woody Allen.
He spots Gus and joins him at the table.
Gus: Did you find a job?
FELIX: Yeah. I got a job at a strip club helping the girls
backstage to dress and undress.
Gus: How much?
FELIX: Two hundred bucks a week.
Gus: That’s not much.
FELIX: It’s all I could afford.
The curtain lowers The end...
••
I just found some of my long lost relatives from Alabama on
incestry.com.
••••
