••
♥
Moves shopping cart to allow car to park....
Lady doesn't even say thanks..
Puts cart back behind her car...
Leaves.
••
I was riding a horse once and its leg broke, so I had to shoot it --
everyone on the carousel freaked out.
••
you might be a redneck if..
Your living room sofa used to be in a Chevy.
You have several cars permanently parked in your yard.
You spray deodorant through your clothing.
The washing machine is on the front porch.
Most of your drinking glasses have a screw top.
Your Christmas lights are still up.... from 1995.....
••
Saw a friend really drunk last night so I took his car keys from
him.
Felt good, he was so drunk I doubt he remembers who stole
his car...
••
I had fruit and yogurt for breakfast.
And 6 donuts for second-breakfast....
••
I knew I guy who loved money so much that he married a
woman named Penny.
I knew another guy who married a woman named Fannie.
I guess he loved, well, never mind.....
••
Drops empty vodka bottles in all the neighbor's recycling bins.
So the garbage men don't think it's just me.
••
Just spent half an hour trying to take the wife's bra off.
I wish I'd never tried it on.
••
Sleeping in could easily be my superpower,
if not for my arch-nemesis, having to pee.
••
I don't like the idea of bacteria in my yogurt so
I mix it with hand sanitizer.
It cuts down on the taste, but I sleep better at
night.
••
I went to a mechanic when my car started making
these awful noises, but it just turned out to be Nickelback
playing on the radio.
••••
