Bath time fun.....
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Spiderman's only fear:
Rolled-up Newspaper Man.....
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There is a new app. that tells you how smarter
your dog is.
Here's how it works :
If you bought the app. your dog is smarter than
you.
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*job interview*
Boss: Give an example of when you've done
something creative.
Me: When I listed my 'experience' on the
application form.
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My dad use to take me to the circus to see the
tattooed man and the bearded lady.
Now, I can see them anytime shopping at
Walmart.
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Life is more exciting when you're out there living it.
I read that online somewhere.
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Found a baby snake in my backyard while
mowing.
Long story short, I don't have to mow anymore
since my yard is on fire.
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The roof of my mouth just healed from that
Hot Pocket I had one month ago....
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"I know she told me to buy Tampax, but I'll buy
the store brand that's on sale instead."
The last thoughts of a man who's about to die.
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My wife told me to go out and get something that
makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
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Do you have any motivational books?
Yeah, they're in the back.
(long pause) Do you have any that are closer?
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What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates:
1. Nice shirt.
2. Wow. A second nice shirt.
3. Okay, first shirt again.
4. He has two shirts.
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