••
♥
I call my friend McRib because I only see him
once a year.
Also he's made of 100% pork droppings.
••
George Zimmerman was arrested again,
but it wasn't for anything serious like selling a
loose cigarette, just aggravated assault,
so he's OK.
••
We have only ourselves to blame...
for all the crime and violence today.
We removed all the phone booths and now
Superman has nowhere to change.
••
China is now the world's largest economy.
But thanks to McDonald's and Little Debbie
we're still the world's largest people.....
••
I'm not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
••
As of today, same-sex marriages are now legal in
New Jersey.
And today New Jersey governor Chris Christie
announced he would no longer oppose gay
marriage.
He said, "How can I oppose anything that brings
more cake into New Jersey?"
••
My Grandparents are funny, when they bend
over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.
••
North Korea is offering to suspend nuclear tests
if the US suspends military drills.
Let's respond by releasing a sequel to
"The Interview."
••
The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.
••
Friends are like your underwear..
They sometimes ride up your ass or are a little
twisted.
But they’ll always cover your ass.
••
I can always tell when the mother in law's
coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the
traps.
••••
