Dog likes that tune!
What's you lookin at!!
••
♥
The CIA detainees were not really bothered about
the CIA's water boarding techniques.
It was when they started using soap with it they
got scared.
••
Mr. White and his wife went for a gathering.
At commencement of the program, the MC said
the people were going to be grouped into two.
He said, "Those whose wives' are the head of the
family move to the left-hand side of the
auditorium, while those whose husbands are the
head of the family should move to the right".
Mr. White asked his wife, "Honey, which group
should we move to?"
••
I really should have used stronger wood
to build that see-saw for the wife in the garden.
It was a bench until she sat on it.
••
As I let out a loud smelly fart I immediately
thrust my wife's head under the covers and
started wafting.
The staff in 'Bed, Bath and Beyond' didn't seem
to find it amusing to be honest.
••
When my wife died,
I wanted to make sure everyone cried at her
funeral.
So, I invited all the people she owed money to.
••
I love her so much....
I worship the ground her father found oil on.
••
Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly
producing oxygen so you can breathe.
I think you owe it an apology.
••
My Doctor is so bad:
He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for
three years......
Before he realized she was Chinese.
••
Mommy,mommy: can I play with grandma?
Shut up kid, you dug her up twice last weeek!
••
An Eagle is circling at about 5,000 ft. when he
spies a field mouse down below him.
He dives down and eats the mouse.
After a little while the mouse works his way out
the eagles butt.
Proceeding to look around the mouse says:
"Tail gunner to pilot...Tail gunner to pilot.."
The eagle says "what do you want?"
The mouse asks how high up they we.
The eagle thinks for a moment and then says
"ohh about 5,000 ft."
The mouse then replies
"You wouldn't be shittin me now would ya??"
••
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that
roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick
someone.
This has been recorded by historians as the worst
mistake anyone has ever made.
••••
