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♥
I tried to download the new Band-Aid song to
raise money for victims of the ebola outbreak.
But my anti-virus software wouldn't let me.
••
I have had vegan Thanksgiving of tofurkey and
soy gravy.
And its not to say that Thanksgiving will ever
justify the genocide of the Native Americans.
But vegan Thanksgiving -- thats just spitting on
the graves, isnt it?
••
After spending all day Sunday watching football
on television, a man fell asleep and spent the
night in the chair.
His wife woke him in the morning.
"It's twenty to seven," she called.
"damn, who scored twenty?"
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What did the farmer get when he crossed a
centipede with a Turkey?
50 Drumsticks.
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Some of the new military cutbacks are brutal.
The army just unveiled coin operated machine
guns.
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Q: If fruit grows on a fruit tree, then what does
chicken grow on?
A: A poultry.
••
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock,
6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint!
We have digital watches!"
••
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the
Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again.
Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir.
Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and
I wrote click'."
••
What do the Brits say when there's actually
blood on something?
••
One day at primary school, the teacher said to
the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 50 cents to
the child who can tell me who was the most
famous man who ever lived."
An Irish lad put his hand up and said,
"It's Bono!"
The teacher said, "Sorry, Sean, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put up his hand and said,
"It's Sean Connery!"
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Harry, that's
not right either."
Finally, a little Jewish girl raised her hand and
said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right,
Esther. Come up here and I'll give you your 50
cents.
As the teacher was giving Esther her money,
she said, "You know Esther, you being Jewish,
I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."
Esther replied, "I know- in my heart it's Moses,
but business is business."
••
I've been waiting 2 hours for an employee to
come and wash my hands like the sign says.
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