••
♥
A 4-year-old boy was asked to pray before
Thanksgiving dinner.
The family members bowed their heads in
expectation.
He began his prayer, thanking the Lord for all his
friends, naming them one by one.
Then he thanked the Lord for Mommy, Daddy,
brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his
aunts and uncles.
Then he began to thank the Lord for the food.
He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the
fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies,
the cakes, even the Cool Whip.
Then he paused, and everyone waited --
and waited.
After a long silence, the young fellow looked up
at his mother and asked, "If I thank the Lord for
the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"
••
No person really decides before they grow up
who they're going to marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to
find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
••
If you think you have a stupid question,
just remember NASA engineers once asked
Sally Ride if 100 tampons were enough for a 7
day mission.
My love life has been so bad I decided to call one
of those phone-sex numbers.
Just my luck, they put me on hold.
I waited and waited, and when I finally got
through the girl says, "Not tonight....
I have an earache."
••
In a small town, farmers of the community had
gotten together to discuss some important issues.
About midway through the meeting, a wife of
one of the farmers stood up and spoke her peace.
When she was done, one of the old farmers stood
up and said, “What does she know about
anything?
I would like to ask her if she knows how many
toes a pig has?”
Quick as a flash, the woman replied,
“Take off your boots sir, and count them yourself!”
••
My wife was complaining that I was excluding
her from my online life, so I gently took her hand
in mine and used her finger to scroll.
••
Honesty is the best policy, unless you're trying
to return something that you've already worn.
••
I asked my wife, "Where are my blue
underwear?"
"How am I supposed to know?" she replied,
"They'll be wherever you left them."
"Of course," I said, putting my coat on,
"I'll be back in 10 minutes then."
••
Colleague: Quick, the boss is on her way!
Me: That’s weird I swear that I didn’t hear
her broomstick!
••
There's no pleasing my wife sometimes.
She wanted help with the housework so I got my
girlfriend to come around and she went mental.
••
It's almost that time of night where I drunk text
my ex...
"I have to tell you something" then shut my
phone off.
••••
