••
♥
A first-time Congressman was being interviewed
by the local paper.
“Mr. Congressman,” said the reporter, “when you
get to Washington, are you going to be a pawn
for the powerful interests that most of your
constituents think will control you?”
“I resent that question, Sir,” the Congressman
replied.
“I do not plan to take my wife to Washington.”
••
A Scotchman had been presented with a pint flask
of rare old Scotch whiskey.
He was walking briskly along the road toward
home, when along came a Ford which he did not
sidestep quite in time.
It threw him down and hurt his leg quite badly.
He got up and limped down the road.
Suddenly he noticed that something warm and
wet was trickling down his leg.
"Oh, Lord," he groaned, "I hope that's blood!"
••
Q: What's red and bad for your teeth?
A: A brick.
••
Six employees at L.A.'s Cedars-Sinai hospital have
been fired for snooping through Kim Kardashian's
medical records.
Kim was upset.
She said it was an invasion of her privacy, and all
three of her cameramen agreed....
••
I was told I needed to do some soul searching...
so I Googled James Brown.
••
Michael McIntyre stormed off stage because a
woman in the front row wouldn't get off her
phone...she was only trying to find out what time
the comedian was coming on....
••
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one
day.
The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey
Tommy, wanna play house?
"He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"
The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your
thoughts."
"Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered
Tommy.
"I have no idea what that means.
"The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect.
You can be the husband."
••
"The secret of success is sincerity.
Once you can fake that you've got it made."
••
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.
The next morning the ant wakes up and the
elephant is dead.
"Shit!" says the ant.
"One night of passion and I will spend the rest
of my life digging a grave!"
••
A flying insect just flew into my kitchen and
exploded.
I think it was a Jihaddy long legs.
••••
