••
♥
"If you don't know where you are going, any road
will take you there."
-- Lewis Carroll
••
According to serving sizes, tonight I'm a family
of 4.....
••
A car was involved in an accident.
As expected a large crowd gathered.
A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story,
could not get near the car.
Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly,
Let me through!
Let me through!
I am the son of the victim.
The crowd made way for him.
Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
••
Naps are for old people.....
I was taking a horizontal life pause.
••
I've just got my son a flat piece of cardboard
for Christmas.
Although what he wants with an ex box I'll never
know.
••
I'm trying to initiate a neighborhood watch
program but the damn neighbors keep closing
their blinds.
••
If factions speak louder than words,
then why is it the thought that counts?
••
My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner...
the same way I react when my wife says
"We need to talk".
••
Senior trying to set a password:
WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more
than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1
numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have
blank spaces.
USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at
least one upper case character.
USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use
more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER:50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYour
AssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain
punctuation.
USER:ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbages
ShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in
use.....
••
I love Chinese food as much as the next guy,
but you'll never convince me that a chicken fried
this rice.....
••
Just used my phone to record my wife snoring.
She'd kill me if I ever played this in front of her
friends.
So... I guess this is goodbye.
••
We found out today how many people it takes to
hold me down for a flu shot.
••••
