••
••
♥
"No boots on the ground' statement
made by Obama has resulted in him issuing
golf shoes to all soldiers.
••
Not quite true, that myth about raw oysters
increasing your potency.
I ate a dozen and only nine of them worked.
••
I don't normally poop with the door open,
but I didn't want to miss the in flight movie.
••
Grow your own dope...
Plant a politician..
••
My coworker just took a broom and pole vaulted
over the cubicle partition to confront the woman
who accused her of being on speed.
••
Gus: Perfect weather tonight.
Me: Tell me something I don't know.
Gus: Butterflies taste with their feet.
Me: Fair enough.
••
When Joe, a nice man married for over 50 years
died, his wife, Myrtle was devastated.
A couple of months later, Myrtle also died.
Once in heaven, Myrtle anxiously looked for Joe.
Suddenly, behind a Cloud, she could clearly see
him with another woman.
She ran towards him, calling his name, "Joe.
Darling, Joe"
Joe said, "Hold your horses woman, and don't
give me that 'darling' sh*t.
The deal was very clear: 'Until death do us part'."
••
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?
Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty
percent can't afford lawyers.
••
I bought my wife a belt and bag for Christmas.
Hopefully they'll make the vacuum cleaner work
better.
••
A sick patient asked his doctor, ''Flu?''
The doctor replied, ''No, I came on my bicycle
actually!''
••
An old lady went at an art exhibition in a newly
opened gallery.
One of the contemporary paintings caught her eye
and she inquired of the tour guide,
“What on earth is that?”
He smiled condescendingly.
“That, dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and
child.”
“Well, then,” snapped the little old lady,
“why isn’t it?”
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