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♥
An Obama Fundraiser in Colorado is a
$25,000 a toke dinner......
••
Saw my first snake of the summer.
He was canvassing the neighborhood and
passing out election brochures.
••
"There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it."
-- Mary Wilson Little
••
A woman came home to find her husband in
the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a
dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire
running from his waist towards the electric
socket.
Intending to jolt him away from the deadly
current, she ran outside and grabbed a handy
plank of wood and smacked him with it,
breaking his arm in two places.
Up to that moment, he had been happily
listening to his iPod.
••
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron.
And they’re absolutely right.
Smart men don’t get married.
••
Whoever said money can't buy happiness....
have you ever seen a sad person in a Ferrari?
••
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco,
they have walls, years of food and supplies, and
zombies can't get in without a Costco membership.
••
If I had a dollar for everyone I work with
who's dumber than me, I'd have $11 cause I
work for a small company.
••
My neighbor was rushed to hospital yesterday
after a wasp landed on his face.
It didn't sting him, luckily.
I got it first with my shovel.
••
You can fool some of the people all of the
time.
Mostly, those people are in Management.
••
Diamond engagement rings are so last year.
Ask for her hand in marriage by presenting
her with a full tank of gas.
••
Quit my job a few years ago because my boss was an
idiot.
Now I'm self-employed.
My boss is still an idiot.
••
I make a living writing.
Oh, so what do you write? Fantasy? Romantic
novels?
Letters to my parents asking them for money.
••
"I am prepared to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great
ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
-- Sir Winston Churchill
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