••
♥
I am having an out of money experience.
All you get for picking my pocket is practice.
••
Thanks a lot bathroom doors with the gender
written in weird symbols.
I just want to pee, not solve a sudoku puzzle.
••
A doctor says to his severely ill patient.....
I have a good news and a bad news.
Ok, I want the good news first.
Well, you're off diet restrictions, you're free
to eat anything you want, deep fried, fatty
and sugary and high calorie, whatever you
want to eat.
Really? and it won't make a difference to my
health condition?
None. absolutely none.
So, what's the bad news?
You have only two days to live!
••
I always try to hold the door open for women I see
walk by, so we can talk and get to know each other.
But none of them will get in my car.
••
Even on my death bed my wife will be telling
me how she had a worse day than me.
••
Saw a guy with three lip-ring piercings on the
on the subway today.
Took everything in my power not to attach a
shower curtain.
••
Being sick can really affect your grades in
school.
The kid my son cheats off of was out all last
week.
••
The truck driver looked suspiciously at the
soup he had just been served in a backwoods
eatery.
It contained dark flecks of seasoning, but two
of the spots were suspicious.
"Hey," he called out to the waitress, "these
particles in my soup - aren't they foreign
objects?"
She is scrutinizing his bowl.
"No, sir!" she reassured him.
"Those things live around here."
(I know the place.........they have a sign in the
window that reads "SORRY, WE'RE OPEN".)
••
If stealing office supplies was an Olympic
sport they'd test me for steroids.
••
So I just found out....
my property line isn't where I thought it was.
Good thing too, or it would have been me arrested
for those marijuana plants instead of my
neighbors.
I always cry at the same spot in the movies.
Right at the ticket window.
••
My kid wanted juice but I gave him water
which he promptly turned into whine.
••••
