eating while working out ??
••
♥
My wife shouted upstairs, "The sun's just come
out."
I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip
flops and shot down the stairs.
I was rather shocked when I got down to find our
lad holding hands with his mate Michael.
••
I just bought some chicken drumsticks.
Now all I need to do is find a chicken that plays
the drums.
••
"I know, right?!!"
is the WRONG thing to say when my neighbor
tells me that his wife is wild in bed.
••
I'm going to start rubbing myself up against
people when they've got nice food.
If it works for my cat, it'll work for me.
••
My Neighbor lady She's single...
She lives right across the street.
I can see her house from my living room.
I watched as she got home from work this evening.
I was surprised when she walked across the street
and up my driveway.
She knocked on my door...
I rushed to open it.
She looks at me, and says, "I just got home, and I
am so horny!
I have this strong urge to have a good time, get
drunk, and make love all night long!
Are you busy tonight?"
I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free...
I have no plans at all!"
Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you
watch my dog?"
MAN... IT'S NO FUN GETTING OLD!!!
••
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to Heaven
and a highway to hell.
There is apparently more traffic going to hell.
••
I worked for a diaper cleaning service once
But that job was shitty .
••
“We are buried beneath the weight of information,
which is being confused with knowledge; quantity
is being confused with abundance and wealth with
happiness.
We are monkeys with money and guns.”
- Tom Waits
••
Wife must be planning to paint the house.
I found plastic & tape under our bed.
Not sure what the shovel & pistol are for.
••
My 2 year old wanted to race me home from
daycare and I am TOTALLY winning.
I don't even see her tricycle in my rear-view mirror.
••
I named my WiFi after my last girlfriend because
it's never fully connected with me.
And also because I caught my neighbor using it.
••••
