••
♥
To apply for a job at Hooters,
they hand you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out."
••
To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is
when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
••
When Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer
it's "art" and "music".
When I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave the
hardware store".
••
I bet when spiders see those fake cobwebs on
Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
••
"Your generation is too reliant on technology,"
said my grandpa.
"No, your generation is too reliant on technology,"
I retorted as I pulled the plug on his life support
to further prove my point.
••
I bet chickens have mixed emotions about
Thanksgiving, because they're safe for a day,
but why aren't they good enough for a holiday
meal?
••
Two blondes are walking down the road when
one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and
says "Where?"
••
Mary had a little lamb..
and then she had a very large kebab with a house
wine.
••
I just broke a light bulb.
Damn, that’s 7 years of bad ideas.
••
The summer band class was just getting under
way when a large insect flew into the room.
The Sixth Graders, eager to play their shiny
new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing
intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy,
could stand it no longer.
He rolled up his music book and swatted the
insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its
demise.
"Is it a bee?" another student asked.
"Nope," Tommy replied........ "Bee flat."
••
If plan A doesn't work,
just remember there are 25 more letters in the
alphabet.
••••
