••
♥
My son challenged my wife & I to a game of
hide-and-seek.
We took off for the weekend and left him some
food.
In your face, loser!
••
Health tip: Don't kiss chickens...
Backyard Chickens Linked to Salmonella
Outbreaks, CDC Says
Keeping backyard chickens in urban settings may
be a growing trend, but federal health officials
are warning about a surprising downside:
salmonella infections tied to kissing and other
close contact with live poultry.
Nearly 2,200 salmonella infections tied to live
poultry were logged between 1990 and 2013,
including 306 people who were hospitalized and
five who died, according to new figures compiled
by veterinary experts at the Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention.
••
Writing is a great career when people like
hearing what you have to say but don't want to
look at you.
••
Next time you see someone you don't like,
begin conversation with "I see the assassins have
failed."
••
My friend used to play sports. Then she realized
you can buy trophies.
Now she's good at everything...
••
Thanks to this HUGE spider web I just walked
into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of
people that have seen me naked.
••
An Issaquah, Wash., man apparently became
frustrated with his personal computer, pulled out
a gun and shot it.
The computer, located in the man's home office,
had four bullets holes in its hard drive and one in
the monitor.
Police evacuated the man's townhouse complex,
contacted the irate PC owner by phone, and
persuaded him to come out.
"We don't know if it wouldn't boot up or what,"
says one of the police officers at the scene.
••
I don't jog, it makes the ice jump right out of
my glass......
••
There was the surgeon who was arrested for
drunken driving.
They let him go, though.
He was already an hour late for an operation.
••
A village was facing a problem of speeding cars
resulting in accidents every now and then.
The local council could not afford a speed
camera, so they put up a sign saying:
Slow down Old People's Home.
It had no effect.
At the next meeting, it was decided to work on
the paternal instincts and put up a sign:
Danger - Children at Play.
No discernible reduction in traffic speed.
Then the chairman had a brain-wave and
suggested they try a sign with:
Cloth-less Colony.
As a result of the notice, white vans and lorries
crawl throughout the village now.
••
Question;
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote?
You still have to get up & take the disc out.
It's like having a remote to open the fridge.
••••
