••
♥
The bride came down the aisle and when she
reached the altar, the groom was standing there
with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said, “What are your golf clubs doing here?”
He looked her right in the eye and said,
“This isn’t going to take all day, is it?”
••
A jet ran into some turbulent weather.
To keep the passengers calm the flight
attendants brought out the beverage carts.
“I`d like a soda, said a passenger in the first
row.
Moving along, the attendant asked the man
behind her if he would like something.
“Yes, I would, he replied. “Give me whatever
the pilot is drinking!
••
Marriage is – The joining of two people, one
who never remembers birthdays, and the other
who never forgets them.
••
A flight attendant on a United Air Lines
cross-country flight nervously announced:
about 30 minutes outbound from LA, “I don’t
know how this happened, but we have 103
passengers aboard and only 40 dinners.”
When the passengers’ muttering had died down,
she continued, “Anyone who is kind enough to
give up his meal so someone else can eat will
receive free drinks for the length of the flight.”
Her next announcement came an hour later.
“If anyone wants to change his mind, we still
have 29 dinners available!”
••
An aspiring young actor asked a young lady’s
father if he could have his daughter’s hand in
marriage.
The father said: “I would never let my daughter
marry an actor.”
The actor said: “Sir, I think you may change
your mind if you see me perform.
Won’t you at least come and see the play?”
So, the father went to see the play, and the next
day he called the actor: “You were right.
I did change my mind.
Go ahead and marry my daughter.
You’re no actor.”
••
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit
an iceberg.
The ship was off course and ran into
Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke
across the Atlantic.
••
“The dermatologist was an avid gardener but
he had a problem with moles.”
••
At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided
to marry a young girl of 20.
Grandpa's doctor tried to explain that at his
age sex with a young girl could be dangerous,
even fatal.
Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed
replied "Oh well, if she dies,
I'll just get myself another one."
••
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I
learned that most people die of natural causes.
••
Our correspondent in Poland reports that
Wojciech Jaruzelski,Tadeusz Mazowiecki and
Lech Walesa met in a summit conference,
and the only thing that they could agree on was
that George Bush has a funny name.
••
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home,
even if you wish they were.
••
It was Grandpa Jones' 100th birthday and he
was still in perfect health.
At his birthday party he was asked how he
managed to live so long and stay so fit.
He explained "I put my long life down to
spending so much time out of doors.
I've been in the open air, day after day, rain or
shine, for the last 75th years. "
"How do you manage to keep up such a
rigorous fitness regime?" we asked.
"It's simple" he said.
"When I married my wife 75 years ago, we
both made solemn pledge on our wedding
night.
We agreed that whenever we ever had a fight,
whoever was proved wrong would go outside
and take long walk. "
••••
