••
♥
You know you're a loser when, you plead guilty to rape
and the judge sentences you for perjury.
The History teacher had just finished a chapter on
World War I.
She asked the class, "How many of you are against war?"
A number of hands shot up.
The teacher said, "Ok, Little Johnny, you tell us, why are
you not in favor of war?"
"I hate war, miss."
Little Johnny said, "That's because wars end up making
history, and history is my least favorite subject."
World War I.
She asked the class, "How many of you are against war?"
A number of hands shot up.
The teacher said, "Ok, Little Johnny, you tell us, why are
you not in favor of war?"
"I hate war, miss."
Little Johnny said, "That's because wars end up making
history, and history is my least favorite subject."
••
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several pornographic movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.
Bad: You find several pornographic movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.
••
A debt collector knocked on the door of a country family,
that made their living weaving cloth.
"Is Jack home?" he asked the woman who answered the
door.
"Im sorry," the woman replied. "Jack's gone for cotton."
A few weeks later the collector tried again.
"Is Jack here today?"
Once again the answer was "No, sir, I'm afraid he has gone
for cotton."
When he returned for the third time and Jack was still
nowhere to be seen, he complained, "I suppose Jack is gone
for cotton again?"
"No," the woman answered solemnly, "Jack died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided
to wait a week and investigate the cemetery himself.
But sure enough, there was poor Jack's tombstone,
with this inscription: ... "Gone, But Not for Cotton."
that made their living weaving cloth.
"Is Jack home?" he asked the woman who answered the
door.
"Im sorry," the woman replied. "Jack's gone for cotton."
A few weeks later the collector tried again.
"Is Jack here today?"
Once again the answer was "No, sir, I'm afraid he has gone
for cotton."
When he returned for the third time and Jack was still
nowhere to be seen, he complained, "I suppose Jack is gone
for cotton again?"
"No," the woman answered solemnly, "Jack died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided
to wait a week and investigate the cemetery himself.
But sure enough, there was poor Jack's tombstone,
with this inscription: ... "Gone, But Not for Cotton."
••
The ocean was once fresh water but Chuck Norris likes
his shrimp salty.
his shrimp salty.
••
Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies
backwards?
They like the part where the hooker gives the money
back.
backwards?
They like the part where the hooker gives the money
back.
••
Good: You're pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: Your husband had a vasectomy five years ago.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: Your husband had a vasectomy five years ago.
••••
