••
♥
I'll never understand my wife........
first she tells me to be myself, then she tells me to
stop being an idiot.
I wish she would make up her mind.
first she tells me to be myself, then she tells me to
stop being an idiot.
I wish she would make up her mind.
••
NY ANSWER......
Tourist: Can you give me the directions to the nearest
Olive Garden?
New Yorker: No, but I can give you directions to a real
Italian Restaurant.
Tourist: Can you give me the directions to the nearest
Olive Garden?
New Yorker: No, but I can give you directions to a real
Italian Restaurant.
••
"The thing about quotes you find on the Internet is
that you can never be certain of their validity..."
-Abraham Lincoln
that you can never be certain of their validity..."
-Abraham Lincoln
••
Sue : Yearly Bathing Suit Shopping
I buy a bathing suit every year.
Why? Because I cant get enough of the act of
humiliation, ladies and gentleman.
Generally, guys, do you buy bathing suits every year?
No, of course not.
You're guys.
You cut off a pair of slacks, call it summer.
I buy a bathing suit every year.
Why? Because I cant get enough of the act of
humiliation, ladies and gentleman.
Generally, guys, do you buy bathing suits every year?
No, of course not.
You're guys.
You cut off a pair of slacks, call it summer.
••
A guy asks a waiter 'excuse me, do you have the time?'
The waiter replied 'Sorry, you're not my table."
The waiter replied 'Sorry, you're not my table."
••
Trying to get my wife...............
to enroll in a new self-help group for excessive talkers.
It is called On and On Anon.
to enroll in a new self-help group for excessive talkers.
It is called On and On Anon.
••
As the waitress entered the bar, the bartender demanded,
"Why are you late?"
The waitress explained,"It was terrible.
I was crossing the road, when I witnessed a dreadful
accident.
A guy was hit by a speeding car and he was lying there
on the street, with his hands and skull fractured.
He was a bloody mess.
Thank God I had taken that first-aid course."
The bartender asked, "How did you handle it?"
She replied, "I sat on the ground and put my head
between my knees so I would not faint!"
As the waitress entered the bar, the bartender demanded,
"Why are you late?"
The waitress explained,"It was terrible.
I was crossing the road, when I witnessed a dreadful
accident.
A guy was hit by a speeding car and he was lying there
on the street, with his hands and skull fractured.
He was a bloody mess.
Thank God I had taken that first-aid course."
The bartender asked, "How did you handle it?"
She replied, "I sat on the ground and put my head
between my knees so I would not faint!"
••
I knocked on my neighbor's door this morning
said "I'm terribly sorry, but I've just hit your cat".
"Oh no" she cried "Is he in bad shape?"
"Put it this way" I said "My Louisville Slugger bat
snapped in half".
said "I'm terribly sorry, but I've just hit your cat".
"Oh no" she cried "Is he in bad shape?"
"Put it this way" I said "My Louisville Slugger bat
snapped in half".
••
Girl and boy are chatting on FB.
GF: Please stay up just a little longer?
I really want to talk to you.
BF: No, sorry i gotta go
GF: Pleeeeeeeaaaaasssse?
Bf: No! My mom said if I don't go to sleep now
she'll come down here and bash my head on the
keyboaryujehs ndbhuji dcb fnekd xnedj ucdu cedtmjg
tjmgjea.
GF: Please stay up just a little longer?
I really want to talk to you.
BF: No, sorry i gotta go
GF: Pleeeeeeeaaaaasssse?
Bf: No! My mom said if I don't go to sleep now
she'll come down here and bash my head on the
keyboaryujehs ndbhuji dcb fnekd xnedj ucdu cedtmjg
tjmgjea.
••
Newton's Third Law is wrong:
Although it states that for each action, there is an equal
and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in
reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Although it states that for each action, there is an equal
and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in
reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
••
Looking for some new investments? .....you may want
to consider the following before you invest:
The U.S. Treasury has just announced that it will sell
three new types of bonds:
1. The Al Gore bond, which has no interest.
2. The Monica Lewinsky bond, which has no maturity
And...
3. The Bill Clinton Bond, which has no principle.
to consider the following before you invest:
The U.S. Treasury has just announced that it will sell
three new types of bonds:
1. The Al Gore bond, which has no interest.
2. The Monica Lewinsky bond, which has no maturity
And...
3. The Bill Clinton Bond, which has no principle.
••••
