Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

They say that women love a man in uniform.
I think that's  bullshit.
I've been out in my McDonald's uniform for the last three
nights and I haven't had any success.00

 

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New pick up line..
"Want to come over to my place and watch porn on my new
40 inch flat screen mirror?"

 

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Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers
turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked
illegally.

 

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Sign on the door of an IRS office;  "Sorry, we're open."

 

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Now that I bought a microwave oven,
I'm burning the rump roast in half the time!

 

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A society woman, known for being a difficult patient,
always complained about the delays at her doctor's office.
One day, when her name was finally called, she was asked to
step on the scale.
"I need to get your weight today," said the nurse.
Without missing a beat the woman replied,
"One-and-a-half hours."

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At one time I had super powers.......
but the psychiatrist took them all away.

 

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A man walks into a bar, he sees two pieces of meat hanging
from the ceiling, he asks the barman, "Why are those two
pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling?"
The barman replies, "It's a competition which we run every
night, if you can jump up and touch the meat, you get free
drinks for the whole night."
"Great!" says the man, "but what if I can't reach them?"
"Then you have to buy all the drinks for everyone all night,"
the barman answers.
"Do you want to try?"
"No, but thanks anyway."
"Why not?", asks the barman.
"The steaks are too high."

 

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 Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a
terrorist?
 A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

 

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