••
♥
A guy calls the hotel desk clerk and says 'My wife
and I just had a huge fight and now she says she is
going to jump out the window'.
The clerk responds 'sir, I believe this is a personal
problem'.
The guy says 'like hell it is, this is a maintenance
problem, I can't get the window open'.
and I just had a huge fight and now she says she is
going to jump out the window'.
The clerk responds 'sir, I believe this is a personal
problem'.
The guy says 'like hell it is, this is a maintenance
problem, I can't get the window open'.
••
What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth?
Judging from realistic simulations involving a
sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog,
we can assume it will be pretty bad. ~Dave Barry
Judging from realistic simulations involving a
sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog,
we can assume it will be pretty bad. ~Dave Barry
••
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to
guess what day a woman was born just by feeling
her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to
lose patience and said.
"Come on, what day was I born"?
I said, “Yesterday."
guess what day a woman was born just by feeling
her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to
lose patience and said.
"Come on, what day was I born"?
I said, “Yesterday."
••
White smoke rose from my toaster this morning...
A new pope tart has been chosen....
A new pope tart has been chosen....
••
You ever get a new cell phone and you're too lazy to
transfer all the numbers over, so you just stop being
friends with a bunch of people?
transfer all the numbers over, so you just stop being
friends with a bunch of people?
••
The newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on
the way to their honeymoon boat cruise.
The husband says, "Honey, I want to stop and pick
up some condoms before we go."
"Good idea," she says.
"While you're in there, pick me up some Dramamine
(sea sickness medicine)."
The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and
says to the clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a
package of Dramamine, please."
"Yes sir, says the clerk, "but do you mind if I ask
you a question?
If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?"
the way to their honeymoon boat cruise.
The husband says, "Honey, I want to stop and pick
up some condoms before we go."
"Good idea," she says.
"While you're in there, pick me up some Dramamine
(sea sickness medicine)."
The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and
says to the clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a
package of Dramamine, please."
"Yes sir, says the clerk, "but do you mind if I ask
you a question?
If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?"
••
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone
has treated Lance Armstrong.
Especially after what he achieved winning
7 Tour de France races on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.
has treated Lance Armstrong.
Especially after what he achieved winning
7 Tour de France races on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.
••
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick
dancing on a table.
I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile,
"Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely!
Most tables would have collapsed by now. "
dancing on a table.
I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile,
"Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely!
Most tables would have collapsed by now. "
••
Two girls are sitting in a movie-theater.
"That man beside me is fumbling his crotch",
one whispers to the other.
"Just ignore it", is the answer.
"Easy for you to say.
He's using my hand!".
"That man beside me is fumbling his crotch",
one whispers to the other.
"Just ignore it", is the answer.
"Easy for you to say.
He's using my hand!".
••••
