••
♥
Man is a peculiar creature.
He spends lots of money to make his home
insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in
the yard.
••
Chris Rock: Invading a Country with Oil...
Let me get this straight.
We invade a country with oil, but gas costs more?
That dont make no sense!
Now I didnt go to no fancy school or nothing,
but Ill tell you this right now -- if I invade
Kentucky Fried Chicken, wings will be cheap at my
house.
Let me get this straight.
We invade a country with oil, but gas costs more?
That dont make no sense!
Now I didnt go to no fancy school or nothing,
but Ill tell you this right now -- if I invade
Kentucky Fried Chicken, wings will be cheap at my
house.
••
There are no winners in life...only survivors.
••
What does the starship enterprise and tiolet paper
have in common?
have in common?
They both circle around uranus and wipe out klingons...
••
Why do your girls cover up their body and hair?
The Sheikh smiled and got two sweets, he opened
the first one and kept the other one closed.
He threw them both on the dusty floor and asked the
British man:
If I ask you to take one of the sweets which one will
you choose?
The British man replied: The covered one.
The Sheikh said: That's how we treat and see our
woman.
The moral of the story is, stop throwing your women
on the floor.
Why do your girls cover up their body and hair?
The Sheikh smiled and got two sweets, he opened
the first one and kept the other one closed.
He threw them both on the dusty floor and asked the
British man:
If I ask you to take one of the sweets which one will
you choose?
The British man replied: The covered one.
The Sheikh said: That's how we treat and see our
woman.
The moral of the story is, stop throwing your women
on the floor.
••
I know how lawyers' friends are always trying to get
free legal advice from them and they hate that,
so I try not to do the same.
The other night I asked a lawyer friend of mine if I
could ask him a couple of questions if I paid him $50.
He said, "Sure! What's the second question?"
I know how lawyers' friends are always trying to get
free legal advice from them and they hate that,
so I try not to do the same.
The other night I asked a lawyer friend of mine if I
could ask him a couple of questions if I paid him $50.
He said, "Sure! What's the second question?"
••
Q. What did the digital clock say to the analog clock?
A. Look, No hands!
A. Look, No hands!
••
What a rip-off!
Once I ate in a Hollywood restaurant that had a big
sign outside' "EAT WITH THE STARS."
Turns out the restaurant was a converted planetarium.
Once I ate in a Hollywood restaurant that had a big
sign outside' "EAT WITH THE STARS."
Turns out the restaurant was a converted planetarium.
••
It was my first bout; and after a couple of quick jabs,
I threw a left-right combination before landing a
smashing hook...and my opponent was on the canvas.
As I walked back to my corner, my trainer asked,
"You've taken your contact lenses out, haven't you?"
"Yeah, why?" I responded.
"Because you've just knocked out the ring girl!"
I threw a left-right combination before landing a
smashing hook...and my opponent was on the canvas.
As I walked back to my corner, my trainer asked,
"You've taken your contact lenses out, haven't you?"
"Yeah, why?" I responded.
"Because you've just knocked out the ring girl!"
••
