••
♥
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
••
Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of
golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake
up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and
without an argument go directly to the golf course,
meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it!
We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet
here early Christmas morning.”
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there
they are on the golf course.
The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune!
I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t
take her eyes off it.”
Number 2 guy says, “I spent a ton, too.
My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her.
She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”
Number 3 guy says “Well my wife is at home
admiring her new car, reading the manual.”
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is
staring at them like they have lost their minds.
“I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this
golf game.
I slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe,
Merry Christmas! it’s a great morning for sex or golf ‘
and she said, “Take a sweater…”
golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake
up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and
without an argument go directly to the golf course,
meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it!
We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet
here early Christmas morning.”
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there
they are on the golf course.
The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune!
I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t
take her eyes off it.”
Number 2 guy says, “I spent a ton, too.
My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her.
She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”
Number 3 guy says “Well my wife is at home
admiring her new car, reading the manual.”
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is
staring at them like they have lost their minds.
“I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this
golf game.
I slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe,
Merry Christmas! it’s a great morning for sex or golf ‘
and she said, “Take a sweater…”
••
I was lying next to my wife in bed last night and
whispered, "Did you know that sex can cure
headaches?"
She looked at me and said, "So can aspirin and
they last four hours."
whispered, "Did you know that sex can cure
headaches?"
She looked at me and said, "So can aspirin and
they last four hours."
••
Johnson, the Matchmaker, goes to meet Mr. Ford,
who is a bachelor for many years.
Johnson says to Mr. Ford, "I suggest you do not
delay it any further.
I have someone in mind who is just perfect for you.
You just have to say yes and I'll arrange for you to
meet her.
Before you know, you'll be married!"
"Please don't bother," replies Mr. Ford, "I have two
sisters at home, who take care of all my needs."
Johnson says, "Well that's good, but all the sisters
in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."
"I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were mine!"
who is a bachelor for many years.
Johnson says to Mr. Ford, "I suggest you do not
delay it any further.
I have someone in mind who is just perfect for you.
You just have to say yes and I'll arrange for you to
meet her.
Before you know, you'll be married!"
"Please don't bother," replies Mr. Ford, "I have two
sisters at home, who take care of all my needs."
Johnson says, "Well that's good, but all the sisters
in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."
"I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were mine!"
••
My wife sent me a picture earlier with the message,
"This is what's waiting for you when you get home."
I'm not sure if I'm getting lucky or we're having
chicken.
"This is what's waiting for you when you get home."
I'm not sure if I'm getting lucky or we're having
chicken.
••
The hardest task facing kids today is to learn good
manners without actually seeing any.
manners without actually seeing any.
••
A blonde was seen walking in a local mall wearing a
shirt, shoes, and nothing else.
When security stopped her and ask what she thought
she was doing, she replied, "I saw a sign that said
'take half off and save money'."
shirt, shoes, and nothing else.
When security stopped her and ask what she thought
she was doing, she replied, "I saw a sign that said
'take half off and save money'."
••
If I get another pet, I'm going to name it Peeve.
It'll be my new pet peeve.
It'll be my new pet peeve.
••
