Down Hummingbird Lane

Good Morning....Friends...
Hump day....
••

 

 

••••••

•••

♥

 

"How may I help you?" asked the psychiatrist.
"It's her," replied the man, nodding towards his wife.
"For the last six months she has thought that she's a lawn
mower."
"This is very serious," said the shrink frowning.
"Why didn't you bring her in sooner?"
"Well I wanted to, but my neighbor just returned her!"

 

••

"Thank you for calling the Anger Management Helpline -
What the hell do you want"?

 

••

Dear Justin Beiber haters,
I owe my life to Justin.
On January 5th, 2010 I was in a coma for 6 months after a
terrible car crash.
One day my nurse turned the radio on to Justin's song.
So I got up, and turned the feckin thing off.

 

••

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.
The world owes you nothing.
It was here first.

 

••

I thought I'd be nice and buy the wife some lingerie.
"Thanks honey but this is a girls training bra" she said,
"I know", I replied "i was hoping we could re-train yours,
they're down to your knee's"

 

••

Two women are having tea. Says the first one, "Do you
always tell your husband when you have an orgasm."
"Oh my goodness, no!" says the second one.
"He doesn't want me calling him in the office too often."

 

••

I've learned so much from my mistakes,
I'm thinking of making a few more.

 

••

The leading manufacturer of imported vibrators is a
Japanese firm that calls itself Genital Electric.

 

••

It's just too hot to wear clothes today....
Jack said to his wife as he stepped out of the shower,
what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed
the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

 

••