Today is TGIF day....
Storms tonight....
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♥
"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas,"
little Joshua said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the
holidays.
"It's the best present I ever got."
"That's great," said his uncle.
"Do you know how to play it?"
"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said.
"My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and
my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.
little Joshua said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the
holidays.
"It's the best present I ever got."
"That's great," said his uncle.
"Do you know how to play it?"
"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said.
"My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and
my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.
••
I was hospitalized with an awful sinus infection that caused the
entire left side of my face to swell.
On the third day, the nurse led me to believe that I was finally
recovering when she announced excitedly, "Look, your wrinkles
are coming back!"
I was hospitalized with an awful sinus infection that caused the
entire left side of my face to swell.
On the third day, the nurse led me to believe that I was finally
recovering when she announced excitedly, "Look, your wrinkles
are coming back!"
••
Camping.......
•Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter.
Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.
•In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by
shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic
waistband of your underwear.
•In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to
strangle a snoring tent mate.
•It’s entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding
mountain road behind a large motor home.
•State parks—that’s where there are more things that you can’t do
than you can do.
•A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
•Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter.
Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.
•In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by
shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic
waistband of your underwear.
•In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to
strangle a snoring tent mate.
•It’s entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding
mountain road behind a large motor home.
•State parks—that’s where there are more things that you can’t do
than you can do.
•A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
••
Larry: Hey, look way off over there....... What’s that?
George: Wow, smoke signals!
Larry: What do they say?
George: Help … my … blankets … on … fire!
George: Wow, smoke signals!
Larry: What do they say?
George: Help … my … blankets … on … fire!
••
Gus wrote to a mail order house the following:
“Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you
show on page 438, and if it’s any good, I’ll send you a check.”
In a short time he received the following reply:
“Please send check.
If it’s any good, we’ll send the engine.”
“Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you
show on page 438, and if it’s any good, I’ll send you a check.”
In a short time he received the following reply:
“Please send check.
If it’s any good, we’ll send the engine.”
••
Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping.
Shine a flashlight into one ear.
If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.
Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping.
Shine a flashlight into one ear.
If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.
••
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of
Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "
A golf gun?!
What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of
Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "
A golf gun?!
What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
••
A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he
had just pushed his victim "a little bit".
When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how
hard, the defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the
face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels and flung him over the table.
He then faced judge and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it
was about one-tenth that hard."
had just pushed his victim "a little bit".
When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how
hard, the defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the
face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels and flung him over the table.
He then faced judge and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it
was about one-tenth that hard."
••
Greene county rednecks have bought 200 septic tanks....
When they figure out how to drive them,
they plan to re-take Richmond.
The South will rise again.
When they figure out how to drive them,
they plan to re-take Richmond.
The South will rise again.
