••
••••••
•••
♥
This week a solar-powered plane attempted to fly more than 1,500
miles.
It was going great until the plane encountered one technical
problem — night.
miles.
It was going great until the plane encountered one technical
problem — night.
••
Dear Sir:
When I subscribed a year ago you stated that if I was not satisfied
at the end of the year I could have my money back.
Well, I would like to have it back.
On second thought, to save you trouble, please apply it to my next
year's subscription.
When I subscribed a year ago you stated that if I was not satisfied
at the end of the year I could have my money back.
Well, I would like to have it back.
On second thought, to save you trouble, please apply it to my next
year's subscription.
••
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.
In the first room she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it,
and yelled out “GREEN SIDE UP!”
In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted
in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and
yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!”
The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.
In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose
color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and
yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!”
The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?”
“I’m sorry,” came the reply.
“But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
In the first room she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it,
and yelled out “GREEN SIDE UP!”
In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted
in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and
yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!”
The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.
In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose
color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and
yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!”
The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?”
“I’m sorry,” came the reply.
“But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
••
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday.
A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.
"Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet."
"How come," asked Lars?
"Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet she can't sing."
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday.
A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.
"Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet."
"How come," asked Lars?
"Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet she can't sing."
••
An Indiana farmer was once in a nationwide ag tour group.
One of the stops was a large ranch in Texas.
The Texas rancher kept bragging how big his ranch is.
The Indiana farmer, tired of the bragging, finally
asked the Texan "Well, just how big is your ranch?"
The Texan replied "I can get in my pickup in the
morning, spend all day, and never get off my ranch."
The Indiana farmer sez; "Yeah, I had a truck like
that once too.
The junk man finally bought it........"
One of the stops was a large ranch in Texas.
The Texas rancher kept bragging how big his ranch is.
The Indiana farmer, tired of the bragging, finally
asked the Texan "Well, just how big is your ranch?"
The Texan replied "I can get in my pickup in the
morning, spend all day, and never get off my ranch."
The Indiana farmer sez; "Yeah, I had a truck like
that once too.
The junk man finally bought it........"
••
According to a new book, Mick Jagger used
prostitutes.
But he always felt like he was being overcharged.
He said he didn't like to pay them.
That doesn't sound like a rock star, does it?
It sounds more like a Secret Service agent.
prostitutes.
But he always felt like he was being overcharged.
He said he didn't like to pay them.
That doesn't sound like a rock star, does it?
It sounds more like a Secret Service agent.
••
The Navy always appealed to me because I always liked the
submarine movies.
My favorite is "The Hunt for Red October" where Sean Connery
played a Russian who had a Scottish accent.
submarine movies.
My favorite is "The Hunt for Red October" where Sean Connery
played a Russian who had a Scottish accent.
••
Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly
arrived babies)
"Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled...
isn't she adorable?"
Friend: "But your kid didn't smile."
Father: "I was talking about the nurse."
arrived babies)
"Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled...
isn't she adorable?"
Friend: "But your kid didn't smile."
Father: "I was talking about the nurse."
••
I was at a fancy dress party last night when a fat
chick approached me.
"Hello" she blushed with a giggle, "I fancy you!"
"It's just a costume luv" I replied,
"I'm not a real giant doughnut."
chick approached me.
"Hello" she blushed with a giggle, "I fancy you!"
"It's just a costume luv" I replied,
"I'm not a real giant doughnut."
