Hot-Hot this morning...
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♥
Walked passed the fridge earlier and thought I heard an onion
singing a Bee Gees song.
But when I opened the fridge door it was just a chive talkin..
I asked the chive if it wanted to be an onion?
It said 'I'm stayin' a chive, stayin' a chive, ah, ah, ah, ah stayin' \
a chiiiiive...
singing a Bee Gees song.
But when I opened the fridge door it was just a chive talkin..
I asked the chive if it wanted to be an onion?
It said 'I'm stayin' a chive, stayin' a chive, ah, ah, ah, ah stayin' \
a chiiiiive...
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Saw a homeless couple having sex.
I shouted over "For God's sake get a box."
I shouted over "For God's sake get a box."
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Well I guess I'll go to the plant store and get a pear tree.
Maybe that'll shut that woman up.
It seems like she's not gonna be happy until I grow a pear.
Maybe that'll shut that woman up.
It seems like she's not gonna be happy until I grow a pear.
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I don't get creationists.
They can't grasp the concept of an ape like
creature evolving into a man, yet they have no
problem with a rib turning into a woman.
They can't grasp the concept of an ape like
creature evolving into a man, yet they have no
problem with a rib turning into a woman.
••
Apparently towels are the biggest cause of dry skin.
Apparently towels are the biggest cause of dry skin.
••
After three years of marriage, Kim was still
questioning her husband about his lurid past.
"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth
time, "how many women have you slept with?"
"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a
fit".
Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and
convinced her hubby to tell her.
"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."
He will be out of the hospital next month...
questioning her husband about his lurid past.
"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth
time, "how many women have you slept with?"
"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a
fit".
Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and
convinced her hubby to tell her.
"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."
He will be out of the hospital next month...
••
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the
earth.....After that, everything else was Made in
China.
earth.....After that, everything else was Made in
China.
••
Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride.
They had brought along bananas for lunch.
Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long,
dark tunnel.
"Have you eaten your banana yet," Ole asked excitedly?
"No," replied Lars..
"Vell, don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed.
"I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"
They had brought along bananas for lunch.
Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long,
dark tunnel.
"Have you eaten your banana yet," Ole asked excitedly?
"No," replied Lars..
"Vell, don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed.
"I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"
••
The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene,
but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly
plan.
but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly
plan.
••
I met a girl in the pub.
We chatted and got drunk and I ended up at hers.
"Listen" I said, "I'm not very experienced and when I'm with a
girl for the first time I do suffer from a bit of premature ejaculation."
"Well we can take it slow, babe," she winked.
"How premature?"
"Remember earlier in the pub, when you asked me about sex?"
"Yeah?"
"Then."
We chatted and got drunk and I ended up at hers.
"Listen" I said, "I'm not very experienced and when I'm with a
girl for the first time I do suffer from a bit of premature ejaculation."
"Well we can take it slow, babe," she winked.
"How premature?"
"Remember earlier in the pub, when you asked me about sex?"
"Yeah?"
"Then."
••
After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats,
a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your
fortune and weight.
He drops in a coin and eagerly reads the results.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card.
"It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and an absolutely great
lover in bed!"
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too!"
a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your
fortune and weight.
He drops in a coin and eagerly reads the results.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card.
"It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and an absolutely great
lover in bed!"
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too!"
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