Good Morning...
walkin the dog, in the rain...
I got this feeling ..... someones following me...
egg heads....
wow... there is sand in the bed......
•••
••
♥♥♥
It’s my wife’s birthday ... Last week I asked her
what she wanted as a present.
“Oh, I don’t know, she said .
Just give me something with diamonds.”
That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.
what she wanted as a present.
“Oh, I don’t know, she said .
Just give me something with diamonds.”
That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.
••
An old couple were sitting on the porch one
afternoon rocking in their rocking chairs.
All the sudden the old man reaches over and
slaps his wife.
She says, "Well what was that for?"
He says, "Thats for 40 years of rotten sex!"
She doesn't reply and they start rocking again.
All the sudden the old lady reaches up and slaps
her husband.
He says, "Well what was that for?"
She says, "That's for knowing the difference!"
afternoon rocking in their rocking chairs.
All the sudden the old man reaches over and
slaps his wife.
She says, "Well what was that for?"
He says, "Thats for 40 years of rotten sex!"
She doesn't reply and they start rocking again.
All the sudden the old lady reaches up and slaps
her husband.
He says, "Well what was that for?"
She says, "That's for knowing the difference!"
••
Maybe they call it take-home pay because there is
no other place you can afford to go with it.
no other place you can afford to go with it.
••
Good way to die;
I held the door open for a gorgeous blonde in the
pub last night.
My wife said, "You've never held the door open
for me."
I said, "What about the time you threatened to
leave."
I held the door open for a gorgeous blonde in the
pub last night.
My wife said, "You've never held the door open
for me."
I said, "What about the time you threatened to
leave."
••
The long-winded Congresman said to his colleague,
"Did you notice how my voice filled the House
chamber this afternoon?"
Most certainly," the man replied.
"And did you notice how a lot of members left to
make room for it?"
"Did you notice how my voice filled the House
chamber this afternoon?"
Most certainly," the man replied.
"And did you notice how a lot of members left to
make room for it?"
••
Actual call to a computer helpline;
CALLER: I'm having a problem with passwords
on my computer.
When I type them in, it just shows stars.
TECH SUPPORT: The asterisks are there to
protect you.
For instance, if someone is standing behind you,
they won't know what you've typed in.
CALLER: But they show up even when there is
no one standing behind me!
Actual call to a computer helpline;
CALLER: I'm having a problem with passwords
on my computer.
When I type them in, it just shows stars.
TECH SUPPORT: The asterisks are there to
protect you.
For instance, if someone is standing behind you,
they won't know what you've typed in.
CALLER: But they show up even when there is
no one standing behind me!
••
A baby was just born.
He had all his parts and looked quite normal,
except that he was laughing like mad.
All the doctors and nurses were examining the
little thing in front of the worried parents but he
kept on laughing, his tiny fists all closed and tears
rolling from his eyes.
One at a time, a pediatrician unfolded the tiny
fingers to check if the hand was all right,
and guess what he found?
The birth control pill!
He had all his parts and looked quite normal,
except that he was laughing like mad.
All the doctors and nurses were examining the
little thing in front of the worried parents but he
kept on laughing, his tiny fists all closed and tears
rolling from his eyes.
One at a time, a pediatrician unfolded the tiny
fingers to check if the hand was all right,
and guess what he found?
The birth control pill!
••
A blonde went to a flight school insisting she
wanted to learn to fly.
As all the planes were currently in use,
the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how
to pilot the solo helicopter.
He took her out, showed her how to start it and
gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in.
"I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful,
and I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how
easy it was to fly.
The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet,
and was beginning to worry that she hadn't
radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she
crashed about half a mile away.
He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said,
"I don't know!
Everything was going fine, but as I got higher,
I was starting to get cold.
I can barely remember anything after I turned
off the big fan!"
wanted to learn to fly.
As all the planes were currently in use,
the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how
to pilot the solo helicopter.
He took her out, showed her how to start it and
gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in.
"I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful,
and I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how
easy it was to fly.
The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet,
and was beginning to worry that she hadn't
radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she
crashed about half a mile away.
He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said,
"I don't know!
Everything was going fine, but as I got higher,
I was starting to get cold.
I can barely remember anything after I turned
off the big fan!"
••
