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One day the school principal was talking to Little Johnny's teacher
about his behavior, when all of a sudden Johnny comes running down
the hallway.
The principal stops Johnny and asks him, why are you running?
Little Johnny says; I’m keeping two kids from fighting, sir.
Who? ask the principal.
Me and the kid chasing me; and off he went.
about his behavior, when all of a sudden Johnny comes running down
the hallway.
The principal stops Johnny and asks him, why are you running?
Little Johnny says; I’m keeping two kids from fighting, sir.
Who? ask the principal.
Me and the kid chasing me; and off he went.
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Barack Obama has stated that military action against North Korea
will depend on whether or not their plutonium contains oil.
will depend on whether or not their plutonium contains oil.
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The thought of my first airplane trip terrified me.
But after the ticket agent quoted statistics showing that flying was
quite safe, I felt better.
"Now take this ticket to Gate 22," he said.
"That's where we give out the helmets, goggles and parachutes."
But after the ticket agent quoted statistics showing that flying was
quite safe, I felt better.
"Now take this ticket to Gate 22," he said.
"That's where we give out the helmets, goggles and parachutes."
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Mitt Romney said Newt Gingrich was too "zany" to be president.
Newt Gingrich responded by tossing confetti in the air, squeezing
a car horn, and then spraying seltzer at Mitt Romney.
Newt Gingrich responded by tossing confetti in the air, squeezing
a car horn, and then spraying seltzer at Mitt Romney.
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A movie called "The Artist" got six nominations.
It's a silent movie where people's mouths move but nothing comes out.
It's like Rick Perry at a debate.
It's a silent movie where people's mouths move but nothing comes out.
It's like Rick Perry at a debate.
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Q: What do rich cats have in their refrigerators?
A: Automatic mice makers.
A: Automatic mice makers.
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In this new “Chipmunks” movie, the chipmunks wreak havoc on a
cruise ship.
I don't know much about cruise ships, but they're not usually kind
to rodents.
A rodent on a cruise ship would be treated worse than Michael Vick
at a dog pound.
In this new “Chipmunks” movie, the chipmunks wreak havoc on a
cruise ship.
I don't know much about cruise ships, but they're not usually kind
to rodents.
A rodent on a cruise ship would be treated worse than Michael Vick
at a dog pound.
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The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner.
While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister
asked their son what they were having.
"Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about
that?"
"Yep," said the youngster.
"I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the
old goat for dinner.'
While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister
asked their son what they were having.
"Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about
that?"
"Yep," said the youngster.
"I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the
old goat for dinner.'
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An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a
car pulls over next to him.
"If you get in the car," the driver says, "I'll give you $10 and a
piece of candy."
The boy refuses and keeps on walking.
A few moments later, not to take no for an answer, the man driving
the car pulls over again.
"How about $20 and two pieces of candy?"
The boy tells the man to leave him alone and keeps on walking.
Still further down the road the man pulls over to the side road.
"Ok," he says, "This is my final offer.
I'll give you $50 and all the candy you can eat."
The little boy stops, goes to the car and leans in.
"Look," he shouts to the driver.
"You bought the damned Volvo, Dad.
You'll just have to live with it!"
car pulls over next to him.
"If you get in the car," the driver says, "I'll give you $10 and a
piece of candy."
The boy refuses and keeps on walking.
A few moments later, not to take no for an answer, the man driving
the car pulls over again.
"How about $20 and two pieces of candy?"
The boy tells the man to leave him alone and keeps on walking.
Still further down the road the man pulls over to the side road.
"Ok," he says, "This is my final offer.
I'll give you $50 and all the candy you can eat."
The little boy stops, goes to the car and leans in.
"Look," he shouts to the driver.
"You bought the damned Volvo, Dad.
You'll just have to live with it!"
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What is the difference between a vulture and your mother-in-law?
Vultures wait until your dead to pick on you.
Vultures wait until your dead to pick on you.
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The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her
students on sexual morality.
"We live today in very difficult times for young people.
In moments of temptation," she said, " ask yourself just one question:
Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said,
"Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"
students on sexual morality.
"We live today in very difficult times for young people.
In moments of temptation," she said, " ask yourself just one question:
Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said,
"Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"
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There's a story of a dog who sat too close to the railroad tracks.
A train came along and cut off his tail.
When the dog tried to bite the train, he got his head cut off for his
trouble.
The moral of this story is: Don't lose your head over a piece of tail.
A train came along and cut off his tail.
When the dog tried to bite the train, he got his head cut off for his
trouble.
The moral of this story is: Don't lose your head over a piece of tail.
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I have been pondering my retirement and have thought about what
to do when I finally pack it in.
Many things came to mind but I think I really want to explore my
interest in Chemistry, particularly chemical changes in matter.
I have decided to devote my retired life to changing beer, scotch,
and bourbon into urine.
to do when I finally pack it in.
Many things came to mind but I think I really want to explore my
interest in Chemistry, particularly chemical changes in matter.
I have decided to devote my retired life to changing beer, scotch,
and bourbon into urine.
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Todays Thought...
We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing.
Action always generates inspiration.
Inspiration seldom generates action.
Action always generates inspiration.
Inspiration seldom generates action.
Rae's Trivia....
The first president to ride in a car was Theodore Roosevelt in
Hartford, Connecticut, in 1902.
The first president to fly in an airplane was Franklin Roosevelt in
1943 from Miami, Florida, to French Morocco.
The first president to fly an aircraft was Theodore Roosevelt who
was a passenger in a Wright biplane in 1910.
The first president to hold an airplane pilot's license was
Dwight Eisenhower.
Theodore Roosevelt was probably the first president to own a car,
also.
Hartford, Connecticut, in 1902.
The first president to fly in an airplane was Franklin Roosevelt in
1943 from Miami, Florida, to French Morocco.
The first president to fly an aircraft was Theodore Roosevelt who
was a passenger in a Wright biplane in 1910.
The first president to hold an airplane pilot's license was
Dwight Eisenhower.
Theodore Roosevelt was probably the first president to own a car,
also.
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