Friday, November 11, 2011

#1,465



Good Morning, friends and neighbors...
Sunny today, Highs around 50.
West winds 15 to 20 mph with gusts up to 30 mph.
Readers... I am taking a three week break...
So tomorrow will be the last for three weeks...
Will be back Dec.3.....


Semper Fi... Capt......

Yesterdays Sunrise..









Green Limo.....
Hay burner special....

♥♥♥

~  An art connoisseur was walking by a deli when he
 noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a
saucer.
The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and
precious piece of pottery.
 He strolled into the store and offered two dollars for the
cat. "The cat isn't for sale," said the proprietor.
 "Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and
undesirable, but I'm eccentric.
I like cats that way...... I'll raise my offer to ten dollars."
 "It's a deal," said the proprietor, and pocketed the ten
on the spot.
 "For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the
saucer," said the connoisseur, "The kitten seems so
happy drinking from it."
 "No way," said the proprietor firmly, "That's my lucky
saucer.
It's already helped me sell 34 cats this week!"

~  Pete had been a compulsive worrier for years until he
found a way to overcome this problem.
His friends noticed the dramatic change.
"You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore."
"I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week,
Pete replied.
'I haven't had a single problem since."
"A thousand a week," said Gus.
"You can't afford that, how are you going to pay him?"
"Pete replied, "That's his problem."

~  I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training...
I set off a roach bomb... they diffused it!

~  A young woman confides to a friend that she wants to
quit smoking, but nothing she does seems to work.
"Have you tried the patch?" her friend asks.
"No, that's one thing I haven't tried," the woman says,
"because I'm not sure it works."
Says her friend, "I'm sure it would if you put it over your
mouth."

~ "Oh God," sighed the wife one morning,
"I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"
 Her husband looked up from the newspaper and
commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me
a piece of it every day for twenty years!"

~  Wonder no more......
Why hasn't Stevie Wonder written a song in a while?
Because he dropped his pencil.

~  While my parents were making their funeral
arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a
plot that he thought they would like. 
"You'll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,"
 he assured them.
 Dad wasn't sold:  " Unless you're including a periscope
 with my casket, I don't know how I'm going to enjoy it."

~  A cop stopped a lady for speeding and noted that,
according to her license, she was supposed to be wearing
glasses.  "Well, I have contacts," she said.
 "I don't care who you know," snapped the cop. 
"You're still getting a ticket!"


  ~  On a university exam, students were asked to explain
the difference between ignorance and apathy. 
The professor had to give an "A" to the student who
wrote "I don't know and I don't care."

~  Over the weekend I happened to catch a glimpse of
some National Dog Show event as I flipped through the
channels.
The dog on the screen at the time was a white English
sheepdog.
 It was simply a mound of fur with four legs.
The judge was brushing back the dog's hair so she could
look at the animal's eyes.
The TV announcer was explaining that each dog has to
have its eyes checked to make sure they're the right
shape, color, etc., etc.
Another announcer chimed in with, "Well, plus the judge
has to see if the dog HAS both of its eyes.
'Cuz if you start combing through hair and you only see
ONE eye... you're looking at the wrong end of the dog!"

~  Dispatcher:  Nine one one.
 Caller:  Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. 
I'm all out of breath. 
I think I'm going to pass out.
 Dispatcher:  Sir, where are you calling from?
 Caller:  I'm at a pay phone, 29 and 33.
 Dispatcher:  Sir, an ambulance is on the way. 
What were you doing before you started having trouble
breathing?
 Caller:  Running from the police.

Todays Thought:
* I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened.
If you're lucky, it could happen to you.  - Andy Rooney


Rae's Trivia....
The term 'The Big Apple' was coined
by touring jazz musicians of the 1930s
who used the slang expression 'apple' for any town or
city.
Therefore, to play New York City is to play the big time -
The Big Apple.
There are more Irish in New York City
than in Dublin , Ireland ;
more Italians in New York City
than in Rome , Italy ;
and more Jews in New York City
than in Tel Aviv , Israel .



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