Down Hummingbird Lane

Good Morning Everyone...
Cloudy with showers likely in the morning..
then mostly sunny with a chance of showers..
Highs in the upper 60s.
Chance of rain 60 percent.
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~ A Marine friend told me:

 My wife and I decided to start a family soon after we
 got to my first regular duty station in Hawaii.
When months went by without success, we decided to
consult a physician at the huge hospital down by
Pearl Harbor.
When the doctor came in, he chose to examine her
right then and there.
"Please disrobe," he told my wife.
"With him in the room??" she blushed, pointing at me.
Turning to me, the doctor said,
"Lieutenant, I think I found the problem."

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~  A salesman telephones a household,

and a four-year-old answered.
 Salesman: May I speak to your mother?
 Child: She is not here.
 Salesman: Well, is anyone else there?
 Child: My sister
 Salesman: O.K., fine..... May I speak to her?
 Child: I guess so.
 There was a long silence on the other phone.
Then; Child: Hello?
 Salesman: It's you.
I thought you were going to call your sister.
 Child: I did. The trouble is: I can't get her out of
the playpen.

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~  A teenager came to his father and said, "Dad,

don't you think it's time I stood on my own two feet?"
 "I do"
 "I have to face the world and handle my own problems."
 "Of course."
 "I must make my own way."
 "I buy that."
 "Well, I can't do it on the allowance I get now!"

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~  I asked my wife the other day what she liked best

about me....
"Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body?
Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?"
 She replied....
"Your sense of humor, dear."

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~  One woman speaking to another: 

"I finally learned the secret to regular exercise. 
I go to the gym extra early in the morning, before my
brain can wake up and stop me."

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~  "You seem to have more than the average share of

intelligence for a man of your background,"
sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
 "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
replied the witness.

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 ~    A young man hired by a supermarket reported for
his first day of work.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and
a smile, gave him a broom, and said, "Your first job will
be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied
indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager.
"Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."

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 ~  A man was talking to his doctor.
"Listen doc, I heard that you were compassionate
towards helping a person out that is in pain and suffering.
I heard that you could give a shot to euthanize and
relieve all that."
 The doctor said, "I can perform that service if the pain
and suffering is too unbearable for the patient.
How long have you been suffering?"
 "Twenty years doc." said the man.
"Ok, it sounds like you want out of your misery."
said the doctor.
"Great!" said the man, "My wife is in the waiting room,
can you put her down now?"

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~  What do you call a ghost's mother and father?

Transparents!

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~  On a busy street in New York City, a man hustles

across an intersection and is just about makes it to the
other side before he’s hit by a bus.
He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd gathers around.
 “A priest. Somebody get me a priest!” the man gasps.
 A policeman checks the crowd, but there is no priest,
no minister, no man of God of any kind.
 “A priest, please!” repeats the dying man.
 Then out of the crowd steps a little old man of at least
80 years.
“Mr. Policeman,” says the man, “I’m not a priest.
I’m not even a Catholic.
But for 50 years now I’ve been living behind
St. Elizabeth’s Catholic Church on First Avenue,
and every night I listen to the Catholic litany.
Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man.”
 The policeman agrees and brings the gentleman over to
where the dying man is lying.
He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a
solemn voice: “B-4. I-19. N-38. G-54. O-72.”

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~  "I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine...

I always get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar."

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Pete's Thought of the day:

 The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the

moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop
until you get to the office. - Robert Frost

Rae's Trivia......

Rock superstar Mick Jagger sang backup for

Carly Simon’s hit "You’re So Vain," the song supposedly
 written about Warren Beatty.

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