Todays weather...
Sunny and breezy. Highs in the upper 60s.
West winds 15 to 25 mph with gusts up to 40 mph.
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~ On an insurance application, a fellow giving
information on his military background came to the
question, "What did you do while in the service?"
"As told!" Pete wrote in large letters.
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~ A dapper elderly gentleman introduced himself to an
attractive woman at a senior dance.
"You look like my third wife," he said with a smile.
"Oh! How nice!
And how many times have you been married?"
she asked.
I've been married twice,"
he said with a twinkle in his eye.
~ A dapper elderly gentleman introduced himself to an
attractive woman at a senior dance.
"You look like my third wife," he said with a smile.
"Oh! How nice!
And how many times have you been married?"
she asked.
I've been married twice,"
he said with a twinkle in his eye.
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~ I just phoned my doctor for my STD results.
I said, "Hi Doc, do you have my results?"
He said, "Yes, it's not the best news you could've
hoped for, I posted them yesterday."
I said, "Us mail or Fed ex?"
He said, "No, Facebook."
I said, "Hi Doc, do you have my results?"
He said, "Yes, it's not the best news you could've
hoped for, I posted them yesterday."
I said, "Us mail or Fed ex?"
He said, "No, Facebook."
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~ When I die I want to be buried with the cheeks of my
butt sticking out of the ground, so people have a place
to park thier bikes when they come to visit.
butt sticking out of the ground, so people have a place
to park thier bikes when they come to visit.
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~ Trouble with congress.....from a farmer...
“You cannot get the water to clear up
until you get the pigs out of the creek.”
“You cannot get the water to clear up
until you get the pigs out of the creek.”
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~ A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker are
exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.
The chief tells them, "The bad news is that we've
caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your
skins to build a canoe.
The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison.
" The chief gives him some poison; the Frenchman says,
"Vive la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please."
The chief gives him a pistol; the Brit points it at his head,
says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork."
The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork.
The New Yorker takes the fork and jabs himself all over --
the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.
Blood gushes from every hole.
The chief screams, "What are you doing?"
The New Yorker looks at the chief and says,
"So much for your canoe!"
exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.
The chief tells them, "The bad news is that we've
caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your
skins to build a canoe.
The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison.
" The chief gives him some poison; the Frenchman says,
"Vive la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please."
The chief gives him a pistol; the Brit points it at his head,
says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork."
The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork.
The New Yorker takes the fork and jabs himself all over --
the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.
Blood gushes from every hole.
The chief screams, "What are you doing?"
The New Yorker looks at the chief and says,
"So much for your canoe!"
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~ A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with
fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned
them.
Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up
and looked at it closely.
It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in
between pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice he
answered: "It's Adam's suit!!!!!"
fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned
them.
Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up
and looked at it closely.
It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in
between pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice he
answered: "It's Adam's suit!!!!!"
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~ Wife: There's something preying on my mind.
Husband: Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation.
Husband: Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation.
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~ An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making
his funny money.
At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time
making $15 bills.
He figures that the only way he's going to get anything
from this batch of money, is to find a place where the
people aren't too bright and change his phoney money
for real cash.
He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom
and Pop grocery store.
his funny money.
At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time
making $15 bills.
He figures that the only way he's going to get anything
from this batch of money, is to find a place where the
people aren't too bright and change his phoney money
for real cash.
He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom
and Pop grocery store.
He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him,
"Do you have change for a $15 bill?"
The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like
that?
An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?"
The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like
that?
An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?"
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~ My boss phoned me today.
He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"
I said, "Yes, it's all under control.
It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."
"Can you do me a favour?" he asked.
I said, "Of course, what is it?"
He said, "Hurry up and take your shot......
I'm behind you on the 7th hole."
He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"
I said, "Yes, it's all under control.
It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."
"Can you do me a favour?" he asked.
I said, "Of course, what is it?"
He said, "Hurry up and take your shot......
I'm behind you on the 7th hole."
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Todays Thought:
*Certain flaws are necessary for the whole.
It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain
quirks. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain
quirks. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Rae's Trivia....
Italian explorer Christopher Columbus sighted land
in 1492, though what he thought was East Asia was
actually an island in the Bahamas.
Columbus and his men claimed the land for Isabella
and Ferdinand of Spain, the sponsors of his attempt to
find a western ocean route to Asia.
Later in the month, Columbus sighted Cuba, which he
mistook for China.
In December he reached Hispaniola, which he thought
was Japan.
in 1492, though what he thought was East Asia was
actually an island in the Bahamas.
Columbus and his men claimed the land for Isabella
and Ferdinand of Spain, the sponsors of his attempt to
find a western ocean route to Asia.
Later in the month, Columbus sighted Cuba, which he
mistook for China.
In December he reached Hispaniola, which he thought
was Japan.
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