Today Partly sunny. Highs in the mid 70s.
Acorns raining down.... millions of them..
Gotta get the hard hat out....
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♥♥♥
* Walking home one night, this guy hears a,
"Psst! Psst!-give me a hand with this pig would you?"
Looking into the shadows the guy sees his neighbor
holding onto a restless and aggitated pig.
"What the heck are you planning to do with that?"
he asks.
"I'm carrying it indoors and putting in the bath tub."
"Why do you wanna do a crazy thing like that?"
"Well, you see, it's my wife.
She is one of those women who knows EVERYTHING!
I tell her that the price of petrol has shot up again...
she says I know!
I tell her there is more trouble in the East again ...
she says I know!
I tell her Francis down the street is getting a divorce and
she knows that, too.
Well, tomorrow morning, since she always gets up before
me, I'll wait for her to come running to me screaming
'THERE'S A PIG IN THE BATH! THERE'S A PIG IN BATH!'"
And I'll just turn to her and say, "Yeah, I know!"
"Psst! Psst!-give me a hand with this pig would you?"
Looking into the shadows the guy sees his neighbor
holding onto a restless and aggitated pig.
"What the heck are you planning to do with that?"
he asks.
"I'm carrying it indoors and putting in the bath tub."
"Why do you wanna do a crazy thing like that?"
"Well, you see, it's my wife.
She is one of those women who knows EVERYTHING!
I tell her that the price of petrol has shot up again...
she says I know!
I tell her there is more trouble in the East again ...
she says I know!
I tell her Francis down the street is getting a divorce and
she knows that, too.
Well, tomorrow morning, since she always gets up before
me, I'll wait for her to come running to me screaming
'THERE'S A PIG IN THE BATH! THERE'S A PIG IN BATH!'"
And I'll just turn to her and say, "Yeah, I know!"
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~ A pollster was surveying people outside the United
Nations headquarters in New Yor City.
He asked three men, a Russian, a North Korean, and a
New Yorker, for their opinions on the current meat
shortage.
The Russian replied: "Excuse me, what is a meat?"
The North Korean replied: "Excuse me, what is an
opinion?"
The New Yorker replied: "Uh!....What is excuse me?"
Nations headquarters in New Yor City.
He asked three men, a Russian, a North Korean, and a
New Yorker, for their opinions on the current meat
shortage.
The Russian replied: "Excuse me, what is a meat?"
The North Korean replied: "Excuse me, what is an
opinion?"
The New Yorker replied: "Uh!....What is excuse me?"
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~ A father asked his young daughter what she wanted
for Christmas.
She said she wanted a little brother more than anything.
And so it happened that on Christmas Eve, her mother
came home from the hospital with a baby boy.
The next year, the father again asked his daughter what
she wanted for Christmas.
"Well," she replied, "if it's not too painful for Mom,
I would like a pony."
for Christmas.
She said she wanted a little brother more than anything.
And so it happened that on Christmas Eve, her mother
came home from the hospital with a baby boy.
The next year, the father again asked his daughter what
she wanted for Christmas.
"Well," she replied, "if it's not too painful for Mom,
I would like a pony."
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~ My friend was not looking forward to getting an MRI.
Having had several, I told him what to expect.
"They'll play music in the headphones.
It'll drown out the noise and take your mind off things."
As they rolled him into the MRI machine, Frank Sinatra's
"My Way" played: "And now, the end is near, and so
I face the final curtain."
He pointed out to the technician that the choice of
music was less than appropriate.
"Oh," said the technician.
"That's why people have been looking at me strangely
all day.......... Thanks."
Having had several, I told him what to expect.
"They'll play music in the headphones.
It'll drown out the noise and take your mind off things."
As they rolled him into the MRI machine, Frank Sinatra's
"My Way" played: "And now, the end is near, and so
I face the final curtain."
He pointed out to the technician that the choice of
music was less than appropriate.
"Oh," said the technician.
"That's why people have been looking at me strangely
all day.......... Thanks."
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* A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in
me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied:
'I like your sense of humor!'
me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied:
'I like your sense of humor!'
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* My friend Pete e-mailed me today asking for a good
website about the place to buy the best sausages.
I sent him a couple of links.
website about the place to buy the best sausages.
I sent him a couple of links.
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~ A little girl was allowed to stay up for the beginning
of her parents' dinner party.
To show her off, they asked her to say grace.
"But I don't know what to say,"
she whispered nervously in front of their guests.
Her mother coached her, "Just say what Daddy said
before breakfast this morning."
"Oh, okay," said the litle girl.
" Oh God, why do we have to have all those boring
people over for dinner tonight!"
of her parents' dinner party.
To show her off, they asked her to say grace.
"But I don't know what to say,"
she whispered nervously in front of their guests.
Her mother coached her, "Just say what Daddy said
before breakfast this morning."
"Oh, okay," said the litle girl.
" Oh God, why do we have to have all those boring
people over for dinner tonight!"
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* Some friends and I were golfing on a particularly hot
afternoon, and soon we wished we'd brought along
something cool to drink.
As luck would have it, a club employee drove up shortly
thereafter in a golf cart filled with snacks and ice-cold
drinks for sale.
We were taken aback however, when we were told the
inflated prices.
"Gee!" my buddy exclaimed.
"This is fairway robbery!"
afternoon, and soon we wished we'd brought along
something cool to drink.
As luck would have it, a club employee drove up shortly
thereafter in a golf cart filled with snacks and ice-cold
drinks for sale.
We were taken aback however, when we were told the
inflated prices.
"Gee!" my buddy exclaimed.
"This is fairway robbery!"
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~ New Practice.....
Jack made his way through veterinary school working
nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two
vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and
their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore,
his income.
He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door
saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -
Either way, you get your dog back!"
Jack made his way through veterinary school working
nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two
vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and
their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore,
his income.
He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door
saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -
Either way, you get your dog back!"
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Todays Thought:
* Only the wisest and the stupidest of men never change.
- Confucius
- Confucius
Rae's Trivia......
A bee has 5 eyes, 2 large compound eyes on either
side of its head, and 3 ocelli (primitive eyes) on top of
its head to detect light intensity.
side of its head, and 3 ocelli (primitive eyes) on top of
its head to detect light intensity.
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