Patchy fog this morning...
Sunny. Highs in the lower 70s.
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~ My dad fought in the war and survived mustard gas
and pepper spray.
He is now classified as a seasoned veteran.
and pepper spray.
He is now classified as a seasoned veteran.
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~ What do you call a group of Greene county rednecks
singing and drinking diet soda and eating apples?
The Moron Tab and Apple Choir.
singing and drinking diet soda and eating apples?
The Moron Tab and Apple Choir.
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~ My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn.
So I started mowing.
The cops showed up at 3 a.m..
These neighbors are never happy...
So I started mowing.
The cops showed up at 3 a.m..
These neighbors are never happy...
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~ A guy wakes up in hospital after a car accident.
And helps himself to some raisins from a bowl,
just as his wife comes in.
"Oh babe you're awake! I was so worried!"
she exclaimed.
"I'm fine, love" he says......
"Why didn't you get me grapes? You know I love grapes."
"I did" she says, "you've been in a coma for a year."
And helps himself to some raisins from a bowl,
just as his wife comes in.
"Oh babe you're awake! I was so worried!"
she exclaimed.
"I'm fine, love" he says......
"Why didn't you get me grapes? You know I love grapes."
"I did" she says, "you've been in a coma for a year."
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~ Before joining some friends for dinner,
I parked my car in an area that's a tow-away zone after
10 p.m.
I left the restaurant just five minutes past ten and
discovered my car was gone.
The impound lot had no record of towing my car,
so I figured it was stolen and reported the theft.
Later, I kept wondering if I had looked for my car
carefully enough.
I took a cab back to the parking spot and there it was.
After a deep breath, I phoned the police.
"Where did you find it?" asked the officer.
"Right where I parked it," I replied.
The police are highly trained: I didn't hear even a
muffled snicker.
I parked my car in an area that's a tow-away zone after
10 p.m.
I left the restaurant just five minutes past ten and
discovered my car was gone.
The impound lot had no record of towing my car,
so I figured it was stolen and reported the theft.
Later, I kept wondering if I had looked for my car
carefully enough.
I took a cab back to the parking spot and there it was.
After a deep breath, I phoned the police.
"Where did you find it?" asked the officer.
"Right where I parked it," I replied.
The police are highly trained: I didn't hear even a
muffled snicker.
☼
~ How do you know when you are at an Alabama wedding?
Everyone sits on the same side of the church....
Everyone sits on the same side of the church....
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* A pompous congressman was arrested for speeding
and brought before a judge.
The politician spoke in his best oratorical manner,
"I'll admit I may have been speeding a little,
Your Honor, but you see I'm a congressman and ..."
"Ignorance is no excuse," broke in the judge.
and brought before a judge.
The politician spoke in his best oratorical manner,
"I'll admit I may have been speeding a little,
Your Honor, but you see I'm a congressman and ..."
"Ignorance is no excuse," broke in the judge.
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Todays Thought:
One of the most striking differences between a cat
and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. - Mark Twain
and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. - Mark Twain
Rae's Trivia......
Tests conducted by the University of Michigan
concluded that while a dog’s memory lasts no more
than 5 minutes, a cat’s can last as long as 16 hours,
exceeding even that of monkeys and orangutans.
No wonder your cat is still mad at you for kicking her off
the bed last night.
concluded that while a dog’s memory lasts no more
than 5 minutes, a cat’s can last as long as 16 hours,
exceeding even that of monkeys and orangutans.
No wonder your cat is still mad at you for kicking her off
the bed last night.
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