Everyone ready for the long weekend?
Today Mostly cloudy in the morning..
.then partly sunny with a chance of showers and
thunderstorms in the afternoon.
Highs in the upper 80s. Chance of rain 40 percent.
I can just smell them Ribs Now, Pete....
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I know....you smell them ribs too, HuH?
Cat's don't like ribs....right?
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A great coffee mug.....
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A singing Cat??
That's cool......
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Please don't tell that Goof ball anything.....
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Yeah, right.......
Not long enough.....
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Is this how they test wheelchairs??
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You keep leaving "Presents" around the house,
you will find out!!
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If you don't leave food alone on the counter
I will "Plunder" you......
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Well, my "cruise Ship is Here, so I gotta go..
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♥♥♥
~ Pete is so absentminded now that he's old.
How absentminded is he?
He's so absentminded that he stood in front of his
bathroom mirror for twenty minutes trying to figure out
where he's seen himself before.
How absentminded is he?
He's so absentminded that he stood in front of his
bathroom mirror for twenty minutes trying to figure out
where he's seen himself before.
☼
~ "When I was young I thought that money was the most
important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is."
important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is."
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~ I was reading this article the other day, and it said
the perfect way to spice up your love life is to make love
in a car wash.
Let me tell you guys from experience -- no, it is not.
Its also the perfect way to ruin a church fundraiser.
the perfect way to spice up your love life is to make love
in a car wash.
Let me tell you guys from experience -- no, it is not.
Its also the perfect way to ruin a church fundraiser.
☼
~ I have this friend who always seemed to lean slightly
to the left all the time.
It used to bother me, so I suggested he see a doctor,
and have his legs checked out.
For years, he refused... told me I was crazy.
But last week, he finally went, and sure enough,
the doctor discovered his left leg was 1/4 of an inch
shorter than his right.
A quick bit of orthopedic surgery later, he was cured,
and both legs are exactly the same length now, and he
no longer leans.
"So," I said, "You didn't believe me when I told you a
doctor could fix your leg."
He just looked at me and said, "I, stand corrected."
to the left all the time.
It used to bother me, so I suggested he see a doctor,
and have his legs checked out.
For years, he refused... told me I was crazy.
But last week, he finally went, and sure enough,
the doctor discovered his left leg was 1/4 of an inch
shorter than his right.
A quick bit of orthopedic surgery later, he was cured,
and both legs are exactly the same length now, and he
no longer leans.
"So," I said, "You didn't believe me when I told you a
doctor could fix your leg."
He just looked at me and said, "I, stand corrected."
☼
~ Can we name the next hurricane Shaniqua or
something?
I feel like if we give hurricanes ghetto names,
people will be more inclined to get away from them.
Hurricane Irene sounds too friendly.
Hurricane Shaniqua will rip out your weave if you look at
it wrong.
something?
I feel like if we give hurricanes ghetto names,
people will be more inclined to get away from them.
Hurricane Irene sounds too friendly.
Hurricane Shaniqua will rip out your weave if you look at
it wrong.
☼
~ A cannibal orders a bowl of vegetarian vegetable
soup in a restaurant.
After tasting it, he tells the waiter, "Not bad, but could
use a little more vegetarian."
soup in a restaurant.
After tasting it, he tells the waiter, "Not bad, but could
use a little more vegetarian."
☼
~ There was a case in one hospital's intensive care
ward where patients always died in the same bed,
on Sunday morning, at about eleven o'clock,
regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it
had something to do with the supernatural.
No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths
occured around eleven o'clock on Sunday mornings.
So a worldwide team of experts was assembled to
investigate the cause of the incident.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before eleven,
everyone nervously waited outside the ward to see for
themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and
other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.
Just when the clock struck eleven, Pookie Johnson,
the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and
unplugged the life support system so that he could use
the vacuum cleaner.
ward where patients always died in the same bed,
on Sunday morning, at about eleven o'clock,
regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it
had something to do with the supernatural.
No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths
occured around eleven o'clock on Sunday mornings.
So a worldwide team of experts was assembled to
investigate the cause of the incident.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before eleven,
everyone nervously waited outside the ward to see for
themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and
other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.
Just when the clock struck eleven, Pookie Johnson,
the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and
unplugged the life support system so that he could use
the vacuum cleaner.
☼
~ A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married
and about to have a baby.
One day, the wife started having contractions,
so the husband rushed her to the hospital.
He held her hand as she went through a trying birth.
In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said,
"All right, who's the other father!?!"
and about to have a baby.
One day, the wife started having contractions,
so the husband rushed her to the hospital.
He held her hand as she went through a trying birth.
In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said,
"All right, who's the other father!?!"
☼
~ My granma always says that she never gets any
phone calls.
So for her birthday, I put one of those
"How's My Driving?" bumper stickers on her car.
phone calls.
So for her birthday, I put one of those
"How's My Driving?" bumper stickers on her car.
☼
~ Forget all of those bumper stickers that talk about
Honor Roll Students.
They are outdated.
I want one that says "My kid's in high school and I'm
not a grandpa."
Honor Roll Students.
They are outdated.
I want one that says "My kid's in high school and I'm
not a grandpa."
☼
~ What do you do when you only leave two
sheets of tp on the roll & then gamble on a fart & lose?
sheets of tp on the roll & then gamble on a fart & lose?
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Todays Thought:
"We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then,
is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
Rae's Trivia.....
While fighting with the French underground during
World War II, Jacques Yves Cousteau invented the
aqualung, the self-contained device that supplies air
pressure for underwater divers.
World War II, Jacques Yves Cousteau invented the
aqualung, the self-contained device that supplies air
pressure for underwater divers.
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