Areas of fog in the morning, 76º
Partly sunny today.....
Highs in the lower 90s.
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A foggy Sunrise......
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Pete's Coffee this morning......
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Oh,no...you hunting snips??
How many you got??
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Yeah, you do that.........
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Yes, it accrued to me...somewhat....
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This Dude's got the moves down pat.......
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Yeah, a real play Boy Cat.....
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Don't youse steal myze Purple......
Damn, can't trust anybody these days.....
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It must be speaking in your languish......
It aint saying crap to me......
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What funny eyes you got....
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Oh, no...I gotta leave on this picture....
My Hero stepping down.....
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♥♥♥
~ Pete and Gus, two children, were sitting outside a
clinic.
Pete happened to be crying very loudly.
"Why are you crying?" Gus asked.
"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Pete.
"So?..... Are you afraid?"
"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
As Gus heard this, he immediately began crying
profusely.
Astonished, Pete stopped his tears and asked Gus,
"Why are you crying now?"
To which Gus replied, "I came for a urine test!"
clinic.
Pete happened to be crying very loudly.
"Why are you crying?" Gus asked.
"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Pete.
"So?..... Are you afraid?"
"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
As Gus heard this, he immediately began crying
profusely.
Astonished, Pete stopped his tears and asked Gus,
"Why are you crying now?"
To which Gus replied, "I came for a urine test!"
☼
~ What do you get when you cross an elephant and a
rhino?............. el-if-i-no.
rhino?............. el-if-i-no.
☼
~ They sell book lights now, a little spotlight you attach
to your book.
You know, I actually thought about buying one of these,
and then I remembered, I own a lamp.
to your book.
You know, I actually thought about buying one of these,
and then I remembered, I own a lamp.
☼
~ "In case you forgot, taxes are due soon.
You know, we all hate paying taxes, but the truth of the
matter is without our tax money, many politicians would
not be able to afford prostitutes."
You know, we all hate paying taxes, but the truth of the
matter is without our tax money, many politicians would
not be able to afford prostitutes."
☼
~ A man walks into an emergency room with two black
eyes and a broken nose.
The doctor asks him what happened.
"Well," says the man, "I was having a nice round of
golf with my wife.
She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.
We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around,
I noticed that one of the cows had something protruding
from its rear end.
Sure enough, when it lifted its tail, there was my wife's
golf ball."
"And?" asked the doctor.
"Well," the man said, "that's when I lifted the cow's
tail, pointed, and yelled to the missus, 'Hey, honey -
this one here looks like yours!"
eyes and a broken nose.
The doctor asks him what happened.
"Well," says the man, "I was having a nice round of
golf with my wife.
She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.
We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around,
I noticed that one of the cows had something protruding
from its rear end.
Sure enough, when it lifted its tail, there was my wife's
golf ball."
"And?" asked the doctor.
"Well," the man said, "that's when I lifted the cow's
tail, pointed, and yelled to the missus, 'Hey, honey -
this one here looks like yours!"
☼
~ There is no such thing as global warming.
Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
☼
~ A man goes to the doctors feeling a little ill.
The doctor checks him over and says, "Sorry,
I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty
virus.
It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow
and you usually only have 24 hours to live.
There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your
final precious moments on earth."
So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.
Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that
evening as he's never been there with her before.
They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets
four corners and wins $35.
Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins $320.
Then he gets the full house and wins $1000.
Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too
getting $380,000.
The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says,
"Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen
anyone win four corners, a line, the full-house and the
national game on the same card.
You must be the luckiest man on Earth!"
"Lucky?" he screamed.
"Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24."
"Damn!" says the bingo caller, "You've won the raffle
as well!"
The doctor checks him over and says, "Sorry,
I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty
virus.
It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow
and you usually only have 24 hours to live.
There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your
final precious moments on earth."
So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.
Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that
evening as he's never been there with her before.
They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets
four corners and wins $35.
Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins $320.
Then he gets the full house and wins $1000.
Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too
getting $380,000.
The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says,
"Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen
anyone win four corners, a line, the full-house and the
national game on the same card.
You must be the luckiest man on Earth!"
"Lucky?" he screamed.
"Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24."
"Damn!" says the bingo caller, "You've won the raffle
as well!"
☼
~ Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, went to Paris
to expand his line of furniture
In Paris, he visited manufacturers and selected a line
that he thought would sell well back home.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to have a
glass of wine.
He noticed that the small place was crowded, and the
other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the
house.
A beautiful young girl asked him something in French
(which Murphy couldn't understand); he invited her to
sit in the vacant chair.
He tried to speak to her in English, but she didn’t speak
English.
After a couple minutes of trying to communicate with her,
to expand his line of furniture
In Paris, he visited manufacturers and selected a line
that he thought would sell well back home.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to have a
glass of wine.
He noticed that the small place was crowded, and the
other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the
house.
A beautiful young girl asked him something in French
(which Murphy couldn't understand); he invited her to
sit in the vacant chair.
He tried to speak to her in English, but she didn’t speak
English.
After a couple minutes of trying to communicate with her,
he drew a picture of a wine glass
on a napkin and showed her.
She nodded, so he ordered her a glass of wine.
Later, he drew a picture of a plate of food on a napkin,
she nodded.
They found a quiet cafe that featured romantic music.
They ordered dinner, then he took another napkin and
drew a couple dancing.
She nodded, and they danced until the cafe closed.
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and
drew a picture of a four-poster bed.
To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he
was in the furniture business.
Later, he drew a picture of a plate of food on a napkin,
she nodded.
They found a quiet cafe that featured romantic music.
They ordered dinner, then he took another napkin and
drew a couple dancing.
She nodded, and they danced until the cafe closed.
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and
drew a picture of a four-poster bed.
To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he
was in the furniture business.
☼
~ Joe walked into his dad’s study while his dad was
working on the computer.
“Dad,” said Joe, “Remember when you told me you’d
give me 20 dollars if I passed my math test?”
Dad nodded.
“Well, the good news is that I just saved you 20 bucks.”
~ Joe walked into his dad’s study while his dad was
working on the computer.
“Dad,” said Joe, “Remember when you told me you’d
give me 20 dollars if I passed my math test?”
Dad nodded.
“Well, the good news is that I just saved you 20 bucks.”
☼
~ Doctor, you were right when you said you’d have me
on my feet and walking in no time.
That’s good John; when did you start walking?
When I got your bill doctor, I had to sell my car to pay it.
on my feet and walking in no time.
That’s good John; when did you start walking?
When I got your bill doctor, I had to sell my car to pay it.
☼
~ Who the hell is that creepy little guy on the
Vanna white show selling letters?
Vanna white show selling letters?
☼
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Thought of the Day......
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask,
'Where have I gone wrong?'
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more
than one night." - Charles M. Schulz
'Where have I gone wrong?'
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more
than one night." - Charles M. Schulz
Rae's Trivia.....
Floor-cleaning products in Venezuela have ten times
the pine fragrance of U.S. floor cleaners.
Venezuelan women won’t buy a weaker fragrance.
These obsessive homemakers may wet-mop their tile
floors twice a day, leaving windows and doors open so
the scent can waft out to the street to send the message
that their houses are clean.
the pine fragrance of U.S. floor cleaners.
Venezuelan women won’t buy a weaker fragrance.
These obsessive homemakers may wet-mop their tile
floors twice a day, leaving windows and doors open so
the scent can waft out to the street to send the message
that their houses are clean.
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