Been nice and quiet here.... in the 60's...
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Hummingbird lane yesterday .....
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For breakfast??
I don't know about you.......
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I'll raise you ten!.....
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They didn't? Did they?
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Me too!
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No one....I just happened by....this morning.....
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Been out partying all night, has you??
You look rough this morning....
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Yep, you failed...
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Oh no....not you,
Look out.....
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What a nice quote....
I'll leave on that one.....
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♥♥♥
~~ An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an
annual physical.
After a while, the doctor comes out and says,
"I'm sorry Gus, but we have discovered you have a
condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live."
"But Doctor," Gus replied, "I feel great.
I haven't felt better in years.
This just can't be true.
Isn't there anything I can do?"
After a moment the doctor said, "Well, you might start
going down the street to that new health spa and take a
mud bath every day."
Excitedly Gus asked, "And that will cure me?"
"No," replied the doctor,.....
"but it will get you used to the dirt."
annual physical.
After a while, the doctor comes out and says,
"I'm sorry Gus, but we have discovered you have a
condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live."
"But Doctor," Gus replied, "I feel great.
I haven't felt better in years.
This just can't be true.
Isn't there anything I can do?"
After a moment the doctor said, "Well, you might start
going down the street to that new health spa and take a
mud bath every day."
Excitedly Gus asked, "And that will cure me?"
"No," replied the doctor,.....
"but it will get you used to the dirt."
☼
~~ Both of my parents work and lead hectic lives.
So my father was bound to forget their wedding
anniversary.
Remembering at the last minute, he sped to the stationery
store, flew through the door, and breathlessly asked the
salesclerk, "Where are the anniversary cards?"
To his surprise, he heard my mother call out,
"Over here, Bill."
So my father was bound to forget their wedding
anniversary.
Remembering at the last minute, he sped to the stationery
store, flew through the door, and breathlessly asked the
salesclerk, "Where are the anniversary cards?"
To his surprise, he heard my mother call out,
"Over here, Bill."
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~~ I'd contacted a butcher to get sheep brains for a
lecture in my neuroanatomy class and said I'd be by to
pick them up.
But when I arrived at his shop, it was closed.
Taped to the door was this note:
"Teacher, your brains are next door at the barbershop."
lecture in my neuroanatomy class and said I'd be by to
pick them up.
But when I arrived at his shop, it was closed.
Taped to the door was this note:
"Teacher, your brains are next door at the barbershop."
☼
~~ Our community still has teenage curfew laws.
One night I was listening to my scanner when the police
dispatcher said.
"We have a report of a 14-year-old male out after curfew.
The subject, wearing jeans and a grey sweatshirt,
is six-foot-four and weighs 265 pounds."
After a long pause, one of the patrols replied,
"As far as I'm concerned, he can go anywhere he wants."
One night I was listening to my scanner when the police
dispatcher said.
"We have a report of a 14-year-old male out after curfew.
The subject, wearing jeans and a grey sweatshirt,
is six-foot-four and weighs 265 pounds."
After a long pause, one of the patrols replied,
"As far as I'm concerned, he can go anywhere he wants."
☼
~~ While on the freeway one day, I was behind a pack of
cars.
The last driver was on the phone and drifting all over the
road.
This did not escape the attention of an State police officer,
who snuck up behind him and said over his loudspeaker,
" If you can't stay in your lane while on the phone,
pull over until the call is completed."
Immediately eight cars pulled over.
cars.
The last driver was on the phone and drifting all over the
road.
This did not escape the attention of an State police officer,
who snuck up behind him and said over his loudspeaker,
" If you can't stay in your lane while on the phone,
pull over until the call is completed."
Immediately eight cars pulled over.
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~~ "My wife recently put me on a diet.
It is an interesting diet of her own devising that essentially
allows me to eat anything I want so long as it contains no
fat, cholesterol, sodium, or calories and isn't tasty.
In order to keep me from starving altogether, she went to
the grocery store and bought everything that had "bran"
in its title.
I am not sure, but I believe I had bran cutlets for dinner
last night......... I am very depressed."
It is an interesting diet of her own devising that essentially
allows me to eat anything I want so long as it contains no
fat, cholesterol, sodium, or calories and isn't tasty.
In order to keep me from starving altogether, she went to
the grocery store and bought everything that had "bran"
in its title.
I am not sure, but I believe I had bran cutlets for dinner
last night......... I am very depressed."
☼
~~ "Turbulence: This is what pilots announce that you
have encountered when your plane strikes an object in
midair.
You'll be flying along, and there will be an enormous,
shuddering WHUMP, and clearly the plane has rammed
into an airborne object at least the size of a water buffalo,
and the pilot will say, "Folks, we're encountering a little
turbulence."
Meanwhile they are up there in the cockpit trying
desperately to clean water buffalo organs off the
windshield."
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~~ Things are back to normal at the United Nations.
Screaming and cursing have been replaced by just the
usual hatred!
~~ Things are back to normal at the United Nations.
Screaming and cursing have been replaced by just the
usual hatred!
☼
~~ A new arrival about to enter hospital saw two
white-coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
"Excuse me," he said, "Have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors.
"We're doing a heart transplant for an lawyer and we are
looking for a suitable rock."
white-coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
"Excuse me," he said, "Have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors.
"We're doing a heart transplant for an lawyer and we are
looking for a suitable rock."
☼
~~ A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the
barman for a pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him.
"Why not," asks the golf club.
"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
barman for a pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him.
"Why not," asks the golf club.
"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
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Todays thought; "You do not really understand something unless you
can explain it to your grandmother." (Albert Einstein)
can explain it to your grandmother." (Albert Einstein)
Rae's Trivia.....During World War II, before James Arness portrayed U.S.
mar-shall Matt Dillon in Gunsmoke, he was the first
American soldier to jump off his boat at the Anzio
beachhead.
He was ordered to do so by his commanding officer
because, standing at 6’8", Arness was the tallest man in
his company, and the water’s depth needed to be tested
as a safety precaution.
mar-shall Matt Dillon in Gunsmoke, he was the first
American soldier to jump off his boat at the Anzio
beachhead.
He was ordered to do so by his commanding officer
because, standing at 6’8", Arness was the tallest man in
his company, and the water’s depth needed to be tested
as a safety precaution.
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