Boy!, the weather is going up and down like a yoyo...
Now we're going to have a cold weekend, even calling
for snow..... So I guess no plums again this year, as the
blooms will freeze.....
☼
Sunrise was pretty bleak yesterday morning...
☼
Hey! them eggs were for breakfast....
☼
Are you comfortible yet??
☼
Seems to be working......
cat's everywere.....
☼
I know.....I'm a terrible person...
☼
I bet that kitty hides next time.....
☼
Ahh, yes, the high diving pig....
Makes for lean Bacon....
☼
Chuck will just throw em back....
☼
Can't make up it's mind which way to go....
looks weird....
☼
I don't know about this thing....
How many pigs can it haul....??
☼
☼
♥♥♥
~~ They said the radioactive plume came here today.Just be happy that something traveled 5,000 miles
across the Pacific and for once it wasn't your job.☼
~~ A redneck died and went to heaven.
When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that
new rules were in effect due to the advances in education
on earth.
In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul
must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Bubba thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today
and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow,
even though it's not the answer I expected,
so your answer is correct.
But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?"
Bubba replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,
March 2nd, etc...."Saint Peter lets him in without another word.
☼
~~ A man walked into a saloon and stationed himself
at the bar, saying to the bartender, "Give me a double whiskey.
I'm going to have a big fight in a little bit, and I need the
courage.
It's going to be one for the books."
The bartender served him.
The man chugged down the drink, walked over to the phone and
called his physician.
"Doc," he said, "stay in your office.
In a little bit, I'm going to have a big fight and you may get
an emergency call."
He walked back to the bar and asked for a double whiskey
with a double whiskey chaser, musing, "I need this whiskey.
It's going to be a battle royal.
There'll be blood and teeth all over the floor."
He drank the two doubles, returned to the phone,
called his physician again, and said, "Stay by the phone.
It'll be some fight."
Back at the bar, he said, "Try a triple this time.
Some fight, boy!"
The bartender asked, "Who are you going to fight with?"
The man said, "You.
I don't have money to pay for the whiskey!"
☼
~~ “Guilty or not guilty of begging?’ asked the magistrate.
“Nearly guilty,” said the beggar.
“What do you mean, ‘nearly’ guilty? Asked the puzzled magistrate.
“Well, your honor, I asked the lady for twenty-five cents but
I didn’t get it.”
☼
~~ Life Sayings from Country Folks.....
* Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb,
but how well you bounce.
* Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.
* Forgive your enemies.
It messes with their heads.
* You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar,assuming
you want to catch flies.
* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* You can't unsay a cruel thing.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
☼
~~ After sailing across the Atlantic, my family and I arrived
in Spain.
Wanting directions and sorely in need of conversation,
my father stopped a passerby and asked if he spoke English.
Sizing up my disheveled father, the man warily responded,
"Sometimes."
☼
~~ Two psychologists meet at their twentieth college reunion.
One of them looks like he just graduated, while the other
psychologist looks old, worried and withered.
The older looking one asks the other, "What's your secret?
Listening to other people's problems every day, all day long,
for years on end, has made an old man of me."
The younger looking one replies, "Who listens?"
☼
~~ An on-duty policeman and another gentleman were
both interested in adopting the same dog at the ASPCA
where I work.
I told both customers that they'd have to draw for the pet.
The uniformed officer stepped back from the counter,
put his hand on his hip just above his service revolver
and with a grin drawled, "That suits me just fine."
☼
~~ Cards offering used textbooks for sale are posted on
the college notice board at the beginning of each semester.
One read: "Introduction to Psychology, $8, never used."
The card was signed, "Must sell."
The next day a note had been added: "Good price.
Are you sure it's never been used?"
Signed, "Prospective buyer."
Below in a different hand was: "Positive!"
Signed, "Professor who graded his exam."
☼
~~ I got pulled over for drunk driving the other day.
The cops had me walk that line.
I said the one thing you shouldn't say.....
I was like, 'Stop wiggling it.'
Cause that gives you away.
☼
~~ It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London .
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in,
but they Haven't got tickets.
The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his
arm and Walks to the gate.
"McTavish, Scotland " he says, "Discus" and in he walks.
The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings
it over his Shoulder.
"Waddington-Smythe, England " he says,
"Pole vault" and in he walks.
The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed
wire andTucks it under his arm.
"O'Malley, Ireland ," he says, "Fencing".
☼
~~ When I woke up this morning
my girlfriend asked me,
'Did you sleep good?'
I said,
'No, I made a few mistakes.'
☼
~~ Researchers have found that 56 percent of young teens
can sleep through a smoke alarm.
Companies are now working on an alarm that sounds like
a cell phone ringtone.
☼
☼
Todays Thought: Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.
Rae's Trivia.... The first Mother's Day was held on May 10, 1908, and was organized by Anna Jarvis in West Virginia and Philadelphia. As the event gained popularity throughout the country, Congress designated the second Sunday in May as a national day of recognition for mothers in 1914. -
Yesterdays Trivia... Tennessee banned the teaching of evolution in schools. Teacher John Scopes ignored the ban and was prosecuted later in what became known as "The Monkey Trial"
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