#1160

Good Morning...Friends..... Still cold and windy..
I got 24º degrees this morning.....
☼

Next door Neighbors having a meal....

☼

Farm kids having fun...

But too cold now..

☼

Stay outta the chair....

☼

Good stay away from the tree.....

☼

Got a cramp....had to get up....

☼

A lot of people up north are doing this.....

We lucked out.....

☼

Hey! Mama, keep moving...

☼

Yeah, he's a safety nut.......

☼

Are you going to jump, or you just showing off??

☼

care for a burger...?

these are for people on a diet....

☼

Well, I think I'll go fishing with my friend....

☼

☼

♥♥♥

~~ Gus with a swollen foot goes to the doctor.

After a careful examination, the doctor hands Gus a pill big
enough to choke a horse.
"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while and Gus loses patience.
He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down
his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his
throat.
He hobbles back into the examining room.
Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water.
"Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20
minutes."

☼

~~ “I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas
With a note on it saying, toys not included.”

☼

~~ It seemed every time my brother Tim drove his
2009 Mustang late at night, he got pulled over by the police
for a registration and licence check.
One night as we drove home after picking up a pizza a few
blocks away, the police followed us up our street.
They put on their flashing lights just as we reached our house.
Not knowing what to do, Tim pulled into the driveway,
with the police right behind.
The officer directed his flashlight in the car, saw the pizza,
quickly assessed the situation and, apparently a little
embarrassed, asked, "Is your pizza hot?"
Tim, unnerved, replied, "No, we paid for it."

☼

~~ Ivan visits a doctor and says, 'Doctor I just dropped in
to tell you how much I benefited from your treatment.
Doctor Marvin replies, 'But you are not one of my patients.'
Ivan exclaims, 'I know, but my uncle Bill was,....
and I am his heir!

☼

~~ Tarzan and Jane were expecting their fourth child and were
pretty strapped for cash, so Tarzan decided to go into the
used-crocodile business.
Monday morning he got up early, shaved, put on his best loin
cloth, swung down to the river, and spent the whole day fighting,
haggling over and hassling with cranky crocs.
As dusk fell, a wan Tarzan swung back to the treehouse and
demanded, "Quick, Jane, a martini!"
Tossing it back he barked, "Another, Jane, on the double!"
Gulping it down, he held out his glass again.
"One more, Jane."
"Aw, honey, don't you think you're overdoing it a bit?" she
chided gently.
"You don't understand, Jane... it's a jungle out there."

☼

~~ Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.
One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night!
She went on and on and wouldn't stop!
The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just
don't listen.
How do you do that? Says the other.
It's easy! I turn off the light!

☼

~~ No man knows his true character until he has run out of
gas, purchased something on the installment plan,
and raised an adolescent.

☼

~~ While shopping, I bought some new organic doggie treats.
I gave the dog one and then left them out on the counter.
After work, I noticed the package was open and several
cookies were missing. I asked my kids about the missing
dog treats, but neither of them knew anything about it,
until I said that the treats actually looked like cookies,
"Ooh!" my son, Robert, looked up and said.
"I had four or five of them,. I was wondering why they had a
picture of a dog paw on them.

☼

~~ "You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking
younger."

☼

~~  I was in juvenile court, prosecuting a teen suspected of
burglary, when the judge asked everyone to stand and state
his or her name and role for the court reporter.
"Leah Rauch, deputy prosecutor," I said.
"Linda Jones, probation officer."
"Sam Clark, public defender."
"James," said the teen who was on trial.
"I'm the one who stole the truck."

☼

~~ Patient: It's been one month since my last visit and I
still feel miserable.
Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine
I gave you?
Patient: I sure did...the bottle said 'keep tightly closed.'

☼

~~ Pete: You always carry my photo in your handbag to

the office. Why?
Pat: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible,
I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Pete: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Pat: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,
"What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

☼
☼
Todays Thought: "Alas! How dreary would be the world if there was no Santa Claus!...                 There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence."

 
 

¿~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ºº~~~~~~~~~~~~~¿