and 57º degrees..... Waiting for the shoe to drop....
Gonna be really windy today........
☼
The barn on the hill, Used to be an old brick house (Tavern)
on the left of it. It was sold and taken down and
moved to Fairfax...
☼
Cake for breakfast?
☼
Need milk for your breakfast??
☼
You ate the whole foot long?
☼
This little one wants to play.....
☼
Oh, no....not you........
☼
Get shocked all you want.....
We know you made the mess...
☼
Okay, Okay, will do....
☼
Never swim with Sharks...
See, I learned something....
☼
Oh, My....
☼
Time for me to fly away.....
☼
☼
♥♥♥
~~ The best text to send to the wife when you're in the bar.....
"I'll be home in 5 mins.......if not......
read this again." ☼
~~ As she watched me struggle to pop the childproof cap
off a bottle of medicine, my eight-year-old daughter asked,
"Why do they even have childproof caps?
They know kids hate medicine."
☼
~~ My doctor warned me to watch my drinking,
So I gotta find a bar with a mirror."
☼
~~ While I was assigned to the space shuttle program,
my job included ordering supplies.
One of the engineers requested a new dictionary.
Following regulations, I asked him why he needed it.
I expected his answer to be "My old copy is lost" or
"The cover is falling off." Instead he said,
"My current edition defines spaceship as an imaginary aircraft."
He got his new dictionary.
☼
~~ Men: they sweep you off your feet and then hand you
the broom.
☼
~~ My parents had some stories to tell about
their being shadowed by government
operatives and their daring escape from a
Communist country past guards with
submachine guns, followed by their
managing to gain asylum here in the West
and almost starving to death in transit,
paying for food with links from my mother's
gold chain around her neck.
As a result, my parents taught me to be very
cautious about disclosing personal
information to authorities.
When the teacher in elementary school
asked the class to complete an assignment
of "What was your school background?"
I replied on my paper,
"A parking lot and field."
☼
~~ When I asked my girlfriend if I could see her home she
handed me a picture of it.
☼
~~ When a co-worker opened his express checkout line
at the supermarket where we work,
his first customer bought a large bag of dog food.
They soon discovered they were both proud labrador
retriever owners and launched into a discussion of the
breed's virtues.
When the next customer stepped up, he plopped a box
of dishwasher detergent on the conveyor and deadpanned,
"Mine's a Maytag!"
☼
~~ Of necessity I became an audio technician and frequently
ran the sound system for my husband, David, the church's
music minister.
One Sunday morning when David picked up the microphone,
I realized, when no sound emerged from his moving lips,
that I hadn't turned it on.
David, in the meantime, looked in my direction and said,
"Honey, would you please turn me on?"
The entire congregation heard him because by then the
microphone was on.
☼
~~ My musician son decided to play guitar at his own
wedding reception.
That day, tuning his strings was taking longer than usual.
"It's a little harder to do with a ring on,"
he apologized to the waiting guests.
That's when a man called out,
"Everything's harder with a ring on!"
☼
~~ Because the oven was overshooting the set temperature,
I shaved a few minutes off the cooking time for my muffins,
set the timer and asked my husband to keep an eye on them
while he did the dishes and I dusted.
Not long after, I smelled something burning and dashed into
the kitchen.
"Are those my muffins burning?" I asked Pete.
"Yes," he said as he calmly wiped a dinner plate.
"Then why are they still in the oven?" I cried.
"Because," he replied, "the timer hasn't gone off yet."
☼
~~ A mother was practicing the alphabet with her
four-year-old son, Tommy.
She showed him a picture of a truck and asked,
"What is this?" "A truck," Tommy replied.
Then she pointed to the letter T and asked,
"What does it start with?"
"A key!" replied Tommy without hesitation.
☼
~~ The night we took our three young sons to an upscale
restaurant for the first time, my husband ordered a bottle
of wine.
The server brought it over, began the ritual uncorking,
and poured a small amount for me to taste.
My six-year-old piped up,.....
"Mom usually drinks a lot more than that!"
☼
~~ Once while riding the bus to work,
I noticed a man at a stop enjoying a cup of coffee.
As we approached the stop, he finished drinking and set the
cup on the ground.
This negligence surprised me, since it seemed to be a good
ceramic cup.
Days later I saw the same man again drinking his coffee at
the bus stop.
Once again, he placed the cup on the grass before boarding.
When the bus pulled away, I looked back in time to see a dog
carefully carrying the cup in his mouth as he headed for home.
☼
~~ I'm a police officer and occasionally park my cruiser
in residential areas to watch for speeders.
One Sunday morning I was staked out in a driveway when
I saw a large dog trot up to my car.
He stopped and sat just out of arm's reach.
No matter how much I tried to coax him to come for a pat
on the head, he refused to budge.
After a while, I decided to move to another location.
I pulled out of the driveway, looked back, and learned the
reason for the dog's stubbornness.
He quickly picked up the newspaper I'd been parked on
and dutifully ran back to his master.
☼
☼
Todays Thought: Another optimist is the doctor who tells the mother of six small children to relax.
▲~~~~~~~~~~~~◄►~~~~~~~~~~~▲
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