Wee, we might get some rain tonight.....
He's hoping......
Were are you "Tazz"... she hasn't been heard from
for quite a spell....Computer Down??
☼
A nice big farm, with the mountains in the background..
☼
This cat's gonna have Duck for breakfast...
☼
And he's gonna put some baconnaise on it....
☼
Yah, Yah we heard that before.......
☼
I wondered were that smell came from......
You been eating that Baconnaise!!
☺
Somebody cooking bacon??
I smell hot bacon.....
☼
I wonder how that baconnaise would go with
mouse meat??
☼
Not in the house!
☼
Yep!, he smells a bacon fart......
☼
Fishing for bear??
☺
Cool sign........
☼
☼
☼
♥♥♥
~~ Pete went to the doctor, wanting to find out about the
latest weight loss program.
The doctor tells him, "Well- there is a new one that you
can lose alot of weight with, and what you do is ingest
everything anally."
After about 6 weeks, Pete walks into his office for a
follow- up.
Pete was walking a bit bent over, and was swaying his
behind extremely from side to side
The doctor didn't even recognize him-- he had lost so
much weight. "Man- you look wonderful!"
Pete said, "Thanks Doctor, I have lost 150 pounds!"
The doctor said, "Great! Now let me see if I can do
something about that limp of yours.
He said, "Limp hell? I'm chewin' gum!"
☼
~~ Stock Brokers sleep like babies...
they wake up every hour and cry a little.
☼
~~ Pete got pulled over by a state cop for speeding 5mph
over the temporary limit in a construction zone.
The trooper explained to him that they have zero tolerance
in these areas.
"But," Pete asked him,"why did you pull ME over when I
was going the same speed as all the other cars?"
He then asked Pete,"Have you ever been fishing?"
A little confused by his question he answered,
" Of course I've been fishing.
What does that have do with it?"
He then asked Pete,"Did you catch em all?"
☼
~~ A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else
when a gorgeous girl enters the room.
☼
~~ Without prior warning, friends of mine received their
long- awaited adopted baby.
At the first opportunity, they drove to the countryside to
see their parents and show off their new son.
After a wonderful visit, my friends started for home.
Before they had traveled very far, however,
they drove back to the farmhouse...
where Grandma stood at the door, smiling,
holding their new baby.
☼
~~ Patient: "Doctor, doctor,
I've only got 59 seconds to live.
Doctor: Wait a minute. I'll be right with you...
☼
~~ We recently travelled to Manhattan to move our
81-year-old aunt, who was suffering from Alzheimer's
back to Canada.
However, the security check at the airport was a bit much
for our former- actress aunt.
After passing through the metal detector,
she commented on the "unpleasant" security staff,
then suddenly collapsed wailing, "Ooh! Ooh!
She then stood up, took my arm and whispered in my ear,
"The fainting performance was always my best."
☼
~~ The little old lady was driving her VW beetle
when she experienced some trouble.
Well, she managed to get her vehicle out of traffic
and onto the side of the road, got out via the driver's door,
proceeded to the front of the car, and raised the "hood".
While she stood there looking,
another elderly lady pulled up...also in a VW Beetle...
and offered some assistance.
"What's wrong?" the second lady asked the first.
"I seem to have lost my engine!" replied the first lady.
"OH! How lucky!!
I just happen to have a spare in my trunk!",
exclaimed the second lady.
☼
~~ You know its time to change your car when your
neighbors all chip in to buy you a car cover.
☼
~~ The mouse was taking her offspring out in search
of food when they were confronted by a cat.
Immediately, the mouse began barking like a dog.
Frightened, the cat ran away.
Turning back to her children,
the mouse mother announced,
“That shows you the importance of learning a second
language!”
☼
~~ The young reporter thought long and hard.
Finally he handed the Editor the following report.
"Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today.
She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations
on her ( . )( . )"
☼
~~ Last week, a young middle-class woman consulted me.
She was not unattractive, but her expression was one of
frivolous earnestness, that is to say, intense self-absorption.
She approached the consultation like the oysters in
"The Walrus and The Carpenter", all eager for the treat.
Here at last was an opportunity to talk about herself
uninterruptedly and unconstrained by all those boring
social conventions.
"What's your problem?" I asked.
"I hate myself."
"And you've come for a second opinion?"
☼
☼
Todays Thought: Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment
of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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