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Don't know what it is....it was there waiting for me
when I woke up this morning??
Waiting for breakfast??
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Wrong time of day, too.......Bubba!
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And he's cute......she won't eat much.....
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Now this ya gotta watch out fer......
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MMmmmmmmmmm............
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I don't blame ya...Pete's always looked that way.....
☼
She fell into the water,..now she's mad....
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Got his stereo speakers on.......
Thems cool.......
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I've not a thing to say........
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♥♥♥
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~~ Gus took his wife to a Broadway show.
During the first act intermission, he had to urinate in the worst way.
He hurried to the back of the theatre and searched in vain for the men's
room.
At last he came upon a fountain surrounded by pretty foliage.
He realized that he had wandered backstage.
Noting that no one was around, and in desperatation, he opened his
pants and did the deed into the fountain.
He had difficulty finding his way back to the auditorium,
and by the time he sat down next to his wife,
the curtain was up and the actors were moving about on the stage.
"Did I miss much of he second act?" he whispered.
"Miss it?"....... she said, "You were in it."
☺
~~ A very large, old building was being torn down in Chicago to make
room for a new skyscraper.
Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had
to be dismantled floor by floor.
While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a
skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft.
They decided that they should call the police.
When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed
them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright.
They said "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important."
Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any
more, they had to know who they had found.
They called the police station and said, "We're the two guys who found
the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it really was
Jimmy Hoffa."
The cop said, " Well, it wasn't Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind
of important."
"Well, who was it?"
"The 1956 Polish National Hide-and-Seek Champion!"
☺
~~ At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or
women were more trustworthy.
"No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret."
"I don't know about that," huffily answered a woman guest.
"I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one."
"You'll let it out some day," the man insisted.
"I hardly think so!" responded the lady.
"When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years,.....
she can keep it forever."
☺
~~ A sign outside the Corner Store nursery:
"It's spring! We're so excited, we wet our plants!"
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~~ Suspecting he had a serious medical condition,
I nagged my husband until he agreed to see a doctor.
Once there, he was handed a mountain of forms to fill out.
Next to "Reason for visit?" he wrote, "My wife made me."
☺
~~ A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend, he comments, "You look terrible.
What's the problem?"
"My mother died in June, and left me $10,000." said the friend.
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $50,000."
The man looking concerned says, "Wow. Two parents gone in two months.
No wonder you're depressed."
The friend continues, "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months??? How sad!!!"
"Then this month,..." continued, the friend, "Nothing!.... Not a single dime!"
☺
~~ Overheard in a ladies' fitting room:
"Honestly, do these pants make my rear end look big?"
"Honestly? Your rear end makes the pants look big."
☺
~~ Two salesmen were writing up their orders when the conversation
came around to last night's big date.
"So how'd it go, Joe?" asked Bill.
"Terrible," admitted Joe.
"The moment we got back to her place the phone started ringing.
There must have been fifteen calls from guys wanting to ask her out.
It never stopped, and we never even got started."
Bill tried to comfort him, "It could have been worse, Joe.
After all, an attractive young woman's allowed to have her number in
the phone book, now isn't she?"
"Yeah," Joe replied, "but not in the Yellow Pages!"
☺
~~ Doctor these pills you gave me for BO…
What’s wrong with them?
They keep slipping out from under my arms!
☺
~~ A friend recently returned to work after a year abroad with the
Army Reserve.
On his first day back, a visitor from headquarters took him aside.
"How are you?" he asked, looking concerned.... "Do you feel all right?"
"I'm fine," he replied, nonplussed.
"Great!" he said.......
"I heard that you were away from work for a year because you were
in a wreck."
It took a minute before it dawned on him what he meant.
"Iraq,"he said finally. "I've just come back from Iraq."
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Today's Thought: God invented baldness to make men more humble.
(ºOº)o(ºOº)o(ºOº)o(ºOº)¤(ºOº)o(ºOº)o(ºOº)(ºOº)
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