# 921

Good Morning, everyone....Well, everythings changed on how to

add pictures, so I don't know how it will turn out...

Time this old man gets used to doing it one way....

They change it......so I don't know.....

Readership went down and getting harder to post.....

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Hey, cat WAKE UP!.........
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I give up.........I just can't upload any pictures.....It's too screwed up....
It used to be fun...but now......I just don't know??
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♥♥♥

~~ Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

So no one confuses them with feminists.

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~~ A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far
from the stage.
He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to
watch a mystery close up.
Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip."
The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands
the usher a quarter..... Yep..... 25 cents.
The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and
whispers, "The wife did it."

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~~ Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary.
It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body.
It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things

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~~ The hardest thing about any political campaign is how to win without
proving that you are unworthy of winning.

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~~Steve Hilbert was fired from insurance giant Conseco after
decreasing the company's market capitalization by billions.
What did the company do to him for running the company into the
ground?
They gave him $75 million in severance pay --
beats the h*ll out of a gold watch.

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~~ Don't be intimidated by foreign cookery.
Tomatoes and oregano make it Italian.
Wine and tarragon make it French.
Sour cream makes it Russian.
Soy sauce makes it Chinese.
Garlic makes it good.
Now you are an international cook.

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~~ Ambition is the one thing that keeps people moving.
Although the "No Parking" sign is doing its best to keep up.

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~~ Two politician are having lunch together,
all of a sudden one stood up and shouted, "Your lying."
The other replied, "I know but just hear me out."

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~~ Europe to Iceland:
Why did you send us volcanic ash?
Our airspace has shut down.
Iceland: What? That's what you asked for isn't it?
Europe: NO! We said cash! CASH!
Iceland: Woooops...

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~~ Optimist: One who takes a frying pan on a fishing trip.

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~~ A child was continually asking his Mom to buy him a hamster.
When she did, the child looked after it for a couple of days,
but soon he got bored, and it became the Mom's responsibility to feed it.
One day she got upset with the her son's carelessness and asked him,
"How many times do you think this hamster would have died until now,
if I wasn't looking after it?"
The child replied, "Um, I don't know. Once?"

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~~ Why do birds fly south?
Because if they walked, it would be winter by the time they got there.

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~~ MOTHER (helping to unpack camp trunk): Gregory, I'm so proud of
you!
You got awards for hiking, sailing, nature, and arts and crafts.
But tell me, what is this medal for?
GREGORY: It's for having my trunk packed neatly when we came home.
MOTHER: That's wonderful! How did you do it?
GREGORY: I never unpacked.

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~~ Q: What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a sheep?
A: An animal that knits its own sweaters.

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~~ Here's a tip from page sixteen of the Hewlett Packard Environmental,
Health & Safety Handbook for Employees:
Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes.

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~~ A reporter asked Chris Rock who do you think would win the
presidency?
He said quickly Obama.
When asked why, he replied, has anyone ran a race with a Kenyan
and won?

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~~ Remember that children are temporary.
As soon as they develop a sense of humor and are good company,
they pack up their electronic equipment and leave in a U-haul,
to return only on holidays.

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~~ Two snakes are talking.
One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?"
The other replays, "Yes,why?..."
"I just bit ma lip."

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~~ Teacher: "You missed school yesterday; Gus, didn't you?"
Gus: "No sir, I didn't miss it one bit!"

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~~ Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at
the airports.
Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you,
but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.
It would be a win-win for everyone,
there would be none of this crap about racial profiling and this
method would eliminate a long and expensive trial.
Justice would be quick and swift....... Case Closed!
This is so simple that it's brilliant.
I can see it now: you're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled
explosion.
Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system,
"Attention standby passengers we now have a seat available on
flight number..."

☺ ☺ Todays Thought:  Time is precious, but do not treasure it for you may
wind up without a watch.

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