Looks like we're gonna have a great weekend....
☺
Hey...Bubba, why ya look so mean?
☺
Even these guys look mean......
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Now....he don't look mean...looks silly...
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Oh, no....these guys are bad to the bone....
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Ya....and I'll take them away from you.....
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Don't worry, I'm not reaching for it.....
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You wait until them other critters see you....
It'll be good by, beef cake......
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Now, thats scary.......
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♥♥♥
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~~ A blonde went to the market one day to buy penny candy for her kids.
She selected an assortment of hard candy and one of taffies
and asked the storekeeper, "How much is it?"
"14 cents," answered the storekeeper, after quickly
counting up the pieces.
"14 cents! For what?" asked the blonde.
The storekeeper explained, "The 7 pieces of hard candy cost
7 cents, while the 14 taffies, which are on special,
Buy one, Get one Free, are another 7 cents.
So together it comes to 14 cents."
"I know different!" replied the blonde, indignantly.
"7 + 7 is 11."
"What?" said the storekeeper.
"7 + 7 is 11!" replied the blonde emphatically.
"How do you come to that?" asked the storekeeper
"I had 4 children by my first husband, before he died.
Then I married a second time, and my second husband also
had 4 children, from his first wife.
Then, after we were married, we had 3 children together."
"So, each of us had 7 children, and together we had 11
children.
So,obviously, 7 + 7 is 11."
The shopkeeper gave her the candy for 11 cents.
☺
~~ The restaurant where I am a waitress offers a 16-ounce sirloin steak
which can be ordered plain or "smothered with mushrooms,
green peppers and onions."
One evening, a man requested the steak and specified his choice of
potato and vegetable.
"Would you like your sirloin smothered?" I asked, hoping to boost the
bill a bit.
"Ma'am," he tersely replied, "I don't care how you kill it,
just as long as it's dead"
☺
~~ Pete's theory : Moon is more important than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!
☺
~~ A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company
telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has
in store.
His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to
meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything
about you."
The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great!
Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"
"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."
☺
~~ Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody
complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled.
"I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."
The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep
up his rigorous fitness regime.
"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago.
On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge.
Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would
go outside and take a walk."
☺
~~ The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt
for his model finally became irresistible.
He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her.
She pushed him away.
"Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said.
"I've never tried to kiss a model before," he swore.
"Really?" she said, softening, "How many models have there been?"
"Four," he replied, "A jug, two apples, and a vase."
☺
~~ I had been thinking about coloring my hair.
One day while going through a magazine, I came across an ad for a
hair-coloring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair a shade
that I liked.
Wanting a second opinion, I asked my husband,
"How do you think this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles?"
He looked at the picture, crumpled it up, straightened it out and
studied it again.
"Just great, hon."
☺
~~ A Few Insults...
"I just came from the beauty parlor."
"What's the matter--weren't they open?"
☺
"Some people grow up and spread cheer.
You just grew up and spread."
"This place isn't fit for a dog."
"Yes, it is--come right in."
Sure, I've seen people like you before -
but I had to pay an admission...
You should learn from your parents mistakes -
try using some birth control.
Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just
making a special effort today?
☺
~~ Professor Gonnen Dunnit of the physics department,
has spent a lifetime pursuing the as-of-yet unreachable goal of creating
cold fusion in the lab.
In his latest effort, he used molecules from vegetables to trigger the
process on the atomic level.
During one attempt, it seemed that Professor Dunnit actually achieved
his goal - the process resulted in a spherical burst of energy.
The professor wrote it up and submitted it, but no other scientist could
duplicate his results.
The Nobel Prize committee considered his results but dismissed
Professor Dunnit's efforts, saying he had only created a ball of corn
fusion.
☺
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Todays Thought: A sense of humor is like a sense of smell;
sometimes things get downright chitty.
(ºOº)o(ºOº)o(ºOº)o(ºOº)?(ºOº)o(ºOº)o(ºOº)(ºOº)
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