But just wait until the weekend.....Snow!
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For Breakfast?? I wanted Burritos......
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Thats cool....
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What a party...Huh?
Now who's gonna sweep the floor??
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Weird Hi-heels.....
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These are some BAD Tomotoes...Huh??
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Need a stimlus loan....?
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Looking at you Bubba!
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"How's life treating you Normy?" ..."Like a baby treats a diaper"
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Can't??
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You tell her.....
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♥♥♥
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~~ Q: What's the real problem with Barack Obama jokes?
A: His followers don't think they're funny, and everyone else
doesn't think they're jokes!
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~~ Noah’s ark
"Noah," says the Lord, "for the next flood, I want no animals on
board, just fish.
And not any old fish, but only carp, in glass tanks."
"And this time," says the Lord, "think big, Eight decks at least."
"I got you," says Noah, "what you want is a multi-storey carp ark."
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~~ My mother was away all weekend at a business conference.
During a break, she decided to call home collect.
My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a
stranger's voice say, "We have a Marcia on the line.
Will you accept the charges?"
Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside
screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! And they want money!"
☺
~~ I rode home with a female coworker about five years ago.
I asked her to wait for me while I used the ATM machine.
She asked if I trusted "those people."
"People *who*?" I asked?
She said, "The ATM operates by having a person inside the box.
Every time you put in your card, he takes it, looks at it, and
checks his paper files and folders for your account number.
Here he can find your PIN and check the balance.
This person then asks you to ENTER your PIN, cross checks it,
and if all matches, you can proceed.
If not, he keeps your card.
"If you ask for a statement, he types it from his books and you
get the printout.
If you ask for a withdrawal, he checks the balance and any
restrictions, and if all is ok, gives you the amount.
He *then* calls all of the other branches and ATMs, tells them
how much you've withdrawn, so they can update *their* books.
"Wonder where they find all those little people at??"
This person with her ATM theory might have been misinformed...
☺
~~ A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on
strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air,
caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot
into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled
with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back
outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas!
And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside,
and his horse has been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked,
"Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
☺
~~ My parents recently retired.
Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought
her a piano for her birthday.
A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.
"Oh, we returned the piano." said My Dad,
"I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead."
"How come?" I asked.
"Because," he answered, "with a clarinet, she can't sing."
☺
~~A husband desperate to end an argument offers to buy is
wife a new car.
She curtly declines his offer by saying,
"That's not quite what I had in mind."
Frantically he offers her a new house.
Again she rejects his offer,
"That's not quite what I had in mind."
Curious, he asks: "What did you have in mind?"
She retorts, "I'd like a divorce."
He answers, "I hadn't planned on spending quite that much."
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~~ Two guys rob a store, they burst out the door running as
they hear the sirens of cop cars coming closer.
The two dive into two separate bushes hoping they won't get
caught.
Soon the cop cars stop near the bushes and the two robbers
hearing foot steps grow more nervous.
A cop then grabs one of the guys out the bush laughing "Busted".
As he drags the robber off he looks back shaking his head in
shame... "Come on John!!!!!!!!" he screams "They got US!"
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~~ Q: Why are robots never afraid?
A: Because they have nerves of steel.
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~~ Did you hear about the Jewish family who kept such a
kosher home that they had two smoke detectors in their kitchen?
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Todays Thought: It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
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