Seems like Spring is here....but I know it's not....
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I FEAR.....I FEAR!!....
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I'm Sorry....truley....
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What can you say!!!
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He must be hungry....watchin them fishee's.....
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A fangtooth Fishee.....OMG......
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WOW....Live nude Fishee's.. just what I wanna see.....
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Why....a cat Tat....
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Pattycake....pattycake......
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I don't doubt it..... It's been said....
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A nice load....
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♥♥♥
~~ The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when
the phone rang.
He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened.
When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her
the good news.
"Ma," he shouted, "the results are in......
I won the election!"
"Honestly?"
The politician's smiled faded.
"Aw, heck, Ma, why bring that up at a time like this?"
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~~ Browsing at a video shop, a guy and gal spot the last
tape of a recent hit movie.
He grabs it first......
"Your VCR or mine?" he asks
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~~ The Economy Is So Bad That...
I got a pre-declined credit card offer in the mail.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
Parents in Bevery Hills are considering raising their own children.
I saw the CEO of Wal-Mart shopping at Wal-Mart.
Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
A prostitute asked me if she could borrow $20 until she can get
back on her back.
I saw a van full of legal immigrants illegally crossing the border
into Mexico.
I saw four CEOs playing miniature golf.
Even people who aren't in Barack Obama's cabinet aren't paying
taxes.
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~~ If you see something on TV with a good cast, bright plot
and clever dialog, it's probably a commercial.
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~~ My GF worships me...................
She worships me because she is always calling me God,
especially when she visits me in my apartment.
"GOD, do you EVER clean out your fridge?"
"JESUS! when do you plan on taking out your trash?"
Yeah. She totally thinks I am a deity.
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~~ The Inland Revenue.
Rabbi Rabinovitz answers his phone.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this Rabbi Rabinovitz?"
"It is."
"This is the Inland Revenue. Can you help us?"
"I'll try."
"Do you know Sam Cohen?"
"I do."
"Is he a member of your congregation?"
"He is."
"Did he donate $1,000 to the synagogue rebuilding fund last year?"
"He will!"
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~~ Two confirmed bachelors were sitting and talking.
Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.
"I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do
anything with it."
"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second.
"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way -
'Take a clean dish and...'"
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~~ A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper and acid
tongue, explodes one day in mid session and begins to shout,
"Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"
All the other Senators plead to the angry member that he
withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the
session.
After a long pause, the angry member accepted.
"Ok" he said, "I withdraw what I said.
Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt
politicians!"
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~~ At a recent software engineering management course in the
US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer.
"If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your
team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control
software how many of you would disembark immediately?"
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat
motionless.
When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite
content to stay onboard.
With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even
taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off...
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~~ Three clever men and one wise man are walking in the desert,
when they find the bleached skeleton of a lion.
The first clever man says, "I can rebuild the skeleton,"
and does so.
The second clever man says, "I can rebuild the muscles and
organs," and does so.
The third clever man says, "I can breathe the spirit of life back
into the body," and does so.
The wise man says, "Excuse me,.....
but I am going to climb this tree."
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Todays Thought; The Bible contains much that is relevant today,
like Noah taking forty days to find a place to park.
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