My Heart's going south.....have a safe trip....
☺
Okay, Okay...your move....
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What kind of dance is this??
Dirty Dancing???
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How about this Helmet??
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What a weird looking.... dog.....?
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Damn.....Shut my mouth.....
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A blond pole dancer.....
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Got any crumbs, I can clean up ?
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Photo Bomb........
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So very true.......
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♥♥♥
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~~~ The young lady walked boldly up to the woman she
assumed to be superintendent of the hospital and asked:
“ May I see Capt. Williams please?”
“May I ask who you are?”
“Certainly. I’m his sister.”
“Well, I’m glad to meet you. I’m his mother!”
☺
~~ Artifacts are a major portion of an American-Indian
reservation's economy.
Annually, thousands of tourists visit reservations and most will
not leave without purchasing at least one memento of the
traditional Indian culture.
☺
~~ A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on
his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said.
"What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said.
"I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and
never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six," he said.
☺
~~ One enterprising Indian was able to outsell his competitors in
the sale of wooden dolls by selling them at only a fraction of the
cost others had to charge.
On examination of his dolls they found that where traditionally
hard wood was used, this Indian would use cheap pine on which
he glued thin pieces of fine mahogany, thus being able to
produce the dolls at only a fraction of the cost.
While he claimed his dolls were still authentic,
his competitors complained that it was only a cheap Sioux Veneer.
☺
~~ After examining the paltry tips left by a church group,
our waitress was not pleased.
Looking toward my table, she grumbled,
"These people come in with the Ten Commandments and a
ten-dollar bill, and they don't break any of them!"
☺
~~ A very religious man lived right next door to an athiest.
While the relgious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly
on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even
looked twice at a church.
However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job
and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and
good-natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and
his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and
his kids wouldn't give him the time of day.
So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes toward
heaven and asked:
"Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every
problem and confess to you my every sin.
Yet my neigbor, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly
never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor
and suffer many an indignity.
Why is this?"
And a great voice was heard from above:
"BECAUSE HE DOESN"T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"
☺
~~ Naming the twins
The twins were brought to the church to be christened.
Pastor: ‘What names?”
Father: “ Steak and Kidney.”
Mother: “ You fool, that’s Kate and Sidney.”
☺
~~ A woman checked in and asked to join her former husband,
Walter Smith.
Saint Peter said, "We have five million Walter Smiths.
Give us a little clue."
The woman said, "My Walter is bald and has blue eyes, and he
said that if I ever slept with another man he'd turn over in his grave."
Saint Peter motioned an angel forward.
"Take her to Whirling Walter!"
☺
~~ Did you know?
In the village where the original Saint Nicholas was born,
children celebrate Christmas by giving gifts to old men with long
white beards.
Children whose families celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas
have a 97 percent higher chance of getting socks as a gift.
☺
~~ Johnny: “ If I was one of the twins, would you buy us both
ice cream?”
Father: “Of course!”
Johnny: “Well, you don’t have twins, so can I have his share?”
☺
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Todays Thought: Before you point your fingers be sure your hands are clean.
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