Still cold, and still got snow on the ground...
.
Merry Christmas...
.
Friends waiting for breakfast.......
.
Oh...NO!!...Don't worry, wrong S. Claus......
.
What happened?
.
Has a hard time picking up country music....
.
Little heavy....Huh!
.
Nachos??
.
~~ENO, the MAN~~
.
Well, time to go...Later...
.
♥♥♥
~~ Gus went into a barber's shop and asked how much it would be for a haircut.
"Twenty-five dollars," said the barber.""Twenty-five dollars, that's crazy!" exclaimed Gus.
"I've hardly got any hair.
How can it be that expensive?"
The barber explained: "It's $5.00 for the actual cut,
and $20 for the search fee."
.
~~ VaDan a country fellow was explaining about his applying
for a job in town at Mrs. Fielding's grocery store, saying,
"I came in all spiffed up and she liked that.
She wanted to know if I had the muscles to lift up heavy boxes.
I showed her my arm.
She liked that.
Then she asked me if I could raise those boxes up to the
highest shelf.
I showed her my strong back.
She liked that.
Then she asked me to show her my testimonials.
I guess that's when I lost the job!"
.
~~ An eighty-year-old man was accused by his ex-nurse of
being the father of her baby.
The old man's family tried to get the charge dropped, but the
old man refused to let them.
His middle-aged daughter said,
"Dad, you know you couldn't have fathered her child."
The eighty-year-old man said, "Of course not,
but I'll be so proud when I plead guilty!"
.
~~ Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his
parents for days.
Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny,
"especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
.
~~ My teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I'd
said, "Fried chicken".
My teacher said I was being disrespectful.
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right.
Everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be honest and I am.
Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was
probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened and he laughed too.
Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite
live animal was.
I told her it was chickens.
She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children.
So I told her it was because you could make them into fried
chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office again.
He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand.
My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like
it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we
admire most.
I told her "Colonel Sanders". She sent me to the principal's office
again.
This school stuff is really confusing.
.
~~ The highlight of their zoo trip was a peacock showing off its
plumage.
Wyatt was particularly taken with it.
That evening, he couldn't wait to tell his grandfather:
"grampa, guess what! ....
I saw a Christmas tree come out of a chicken!"
.
~~ One evening late in his life, former senator Chauncey Depew
found himself seated at a dinner party beside a young woman
in a low- cut, off-the-shoulder dress.
Looking the scantily clad woman over, the senator leaned in
towards her.
"My dear" he asked, "What is keeping that dress on you?"
The woman replied: "Only your age, Mr Depew!"
.
~~ "It's true," the weekend golfer told his wife on his way out the
door.
"I love golf more than I love you.
But," he proclaimed, "I love you more than tennis."
.
~~ A wife served some homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast
and waited eagerly for her husband's reaction.
When none was immediately forthcoming, she said:
"If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I
could get for one of them?"
Without looking up from his newspaper, he replied:
"About ten years."
.
~~ A young driver caught speeding was told to pull over to the
side of the road.
Realizing he didn't have his seat belt on, he quickly buckled up
before the police officer reached his window.
After lecturing him about speeding, the officer said:
"I see you are wearing your seat belt.
Do you believe in wearing it at all times?"
"Most definitely, officer," he replied.
"I see.
And do you always wear it looped through the steering wheel?"
.
~~ "Nurse," said the doctor, "would you please take Gus's pulse
"Why?" demanded the Gus, "doesn't she have one of her own?"
.
.
Todays Thought: "keep away from people who try to belittle your ambition.
Small people always do that, but the really great people make
you feel that you, too, can become great." ~Mark Twain~
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