Good Morning....Everyone....gonna be a good day.......
Would be a better one if I had won the lottery.....
.
He's watching the lady sleeping.......
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The Cat up there thinks this is funny.......
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I am at a lost for words....how about it "Taz", or "Suzzie"?
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Good parking...."Bubba"......
Now.. this is a slow rabbit........
.
Looks like an iceburg...but it really is a Stealth ship.....
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He really like the jokes here.........
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Something an't right...... I don't know what??
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Well, time for me to ride off into the Sunset!!
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♥♥♥
~~ A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit
filed by an old rancher.
The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through
which the railroad passed.
The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the
peace in the back room of the general store.
The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher
and tried to get him to settle out of court.
The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed
to take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check,
the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success,
telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man,
but I put one over on you in there.
I couldn't have won the case.
The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose
when the train went through your ranch that morning.
I didn't have one witness to put on the stand.
I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller,
I was a little worried about winning that case myself,
because that durned bull came home this morning."
.
~~ I had a dream the other night.
I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach.
Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the
stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right.
The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his
horse into the stagecoach.
Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps onto the
other horse.
Just before he rode off, I yelled out,
"What was all that about?"
He replied,
"Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."
.
~~ When my wife had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly,
she asked me to bring her a few items from home.
One item on the list was "comfortable underwear."
Worried I'd make the wrong choice, I asked,
"How will I know which ones to pick?"
"Hold them up and imagine them on me," she said.
"If you smile, put them back."
.
~~ I had an inauspicious start as a dog groomer when one of
my first clients bit me.
Noticing my pain, my boss voiced her concern.
"Whatever you do," she said, "don’t bleed on the white dogs."
.
~~ At the busy dental office where I work, one patient was
always late.
Once when I called to confirm an appointment, he said,
"I'll be about 15 minutes late.
That won't be a problem, will it?"
"No," I told him.
"We just won't have time to give you an anesthetic."
He arrived early.
.
~~ To a man who proudly said, "My ancestors came over on
the Mayflower," Will Rogers retorted,
"My ancestors were waiting on the beach."
.
~~ I noticed that my four-year-old daughter, Diana, had a
large bruise on her leg.
When I asked her how she got it, she replied, "It's not a bruise.
It's a message."
When I asked again how it happened, she said, "Well,
I was jumping on the couch even though you told me not to,
and I fell off and hit the table.
That's when I finally got the message."
.
~~ Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is
no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from
wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.
.
~~ After giving a long lesson about behaving in church,
the Sunday school teacher wanted to test the children on what
they had learned.
She asked them,
"So why must children always be quiet in church?"
One small girl replied, "Because there are people trying to sleep!"
.
~~ Shortly after Jackie Onassis began working as a book editor,
she was contacted by Diana Ross.
The diva, it seemed, wanted a book deal.
"What kind of project do you have in mind?" Onassis asked.
"A biography," Ross replied, "but with no personal details
whatsoever."
.
~~ You know you're from Pennsylvania when you think the
roads in any other state are smooth.
.
~~ A Baptist preacher, a Presbyterian minister, and a
Lutheran pastor got into a discussion as to which denomination
Jesus Christ would belong to.
Each claimed that He would belong to his own.
The Baptist preacher declared:
"He would obviously be Baptist! We're so on fire with the zeal
for God, just like He was when He was on earth.
He'd join us in a heartbeat!"
The Presbyterian minister stated:
"Not so! He'd be a Presbyterian!
We do everything properly and in order, and give the Glory
to God, just like He did.
He'd join us immediately!"
The Lutheran pastor sat silent for a minute.
Then he stated: "You each have some good points,
I must admit..... But He'd never change."
.
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Today Thought: To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act...
2 comments:
You make my days at school easier. lol
~LooLu
Me too Gus...got no words...just sitting here shaking my head. And thankful that my daughter is "normal"...lol
Suzzie :)
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