I did my deed at 6:30..... Don't vote...then don't gripe!
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I don't know about this guy....looks sad....
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Shhhh! Baby's nap time.......
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I'm not going to say anything...about blondes....
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Swine flu mask...........
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WOW~ I bet he needed the T-paper.......
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Hang gliding cat......
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A cutie.........
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Oh...Ya!..........
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I left my window open, now I got wet, cold seats..........
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♥♥♥
~~ At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
.
~~ The anti-aging ad that I'd like to see is a baby covered in
cream saying, "Ah! I've used too much!"
.
~~ Our daughter took the afternoon off from her job at the funeral
home to visit her daughter in preschool.
When one of the kids asked what she did for a living, my
granddaughter answered for her:
"She sells underground furniture."
.
~~ After a fruitless year of entering the Publishers Clearing
House Sweepstakes online,
I suddenly drew a complete blank on my password.
I chose the new-password option on the website and waited for
the company to e-mail it to me.
An hour later, I got it.
The password they gave me: loser61
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~~ My mother came by to show us her brand-new Grand Am.
My seven- year-old daughter took one look at the car and
indignantly proclaimed, "They spelled grandma wrong!"
.
~~ After attending a graduate-level seminary,
I was confident my knowledge of Christianity had grown
extensively.
Then one evening my two-year-old son asked,
“Where's Jesus, Daddy?”
My mind raced through all the profound,
yet abstract explanations of Jesus's presence,
but I couldn't think of a simple answer.
Desperately I turned to my wife.
"In heaven, dear," she answered.
.
~~ Those obsessed with health are not healthy;
the first requisite of good health is a certain calculated
carelessness about oneself.
.
~~ One of our regular patrons, a truck driver, entered the
bar where I worked and hobbled painfully over to a bar stool.
"What happened?" I asked.
"I hurt my back at work," he explained with a grimace.
"Gee, I thought those rigs were equipped with cushioned seats,
air springs and swivel controls," I said.
"The seats are great," he confirmed.
"It’s the ground that hurts...I fell out of my truck."
.
~~ My sister Alicia works as a delivery-room nurse at our
local hospital.
Occasionally, a mother arrives and there’s no time to get a doctor.
Alicia told her six-year-old son about one such incident,
saying that she had delivered a baby all by herself the previous
night while he was at home sleeping.
His eyes grew big. "Where to, Mom?"
.
~~ In the midst of a winter storm, the manager of a small
restaurant changed the outdoor sign listing the specials.
He called,"Please bring me a tea."
One of the waitresses brewed the tea donned her coat,
and brought him the mug.
"Thank you," he said, "I meant the letter!"
.
~~ After teaching her Grade 6 class about ancient Egypt,
my wife assigned research projects on the Seven Wonders
of the Ancient World.
Neglecting to turn his work in, one student gave this explanation:
"I can't finish my project because my set of encyclopedias is
too old."
.
~~ "Can people predict the future?"
my eight-year-old granddaughter, Amber, asked her older,
wiser sister.
"Yes," Ashley replied, "Mom can."
"Really?" Amber exclaimed.
"Yep," Ashley continued.
"She can take one look at your report card and tell you
what will happen when Dad gets home."
.
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Todays Thought: "Nothing can be foolproof... Because fools are so ingenious."
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